A place where I can

December Treats

2011-12-20T10:34:00.000+07:00

my December treats has arrived!!!! few days ago my brother texted me that he sent something for me. he said it's just Milo, not mentioning the rest. and I thought, "ok fine, you sent me choco milk right after I bought big box of another choco milk myself. duh! what a waste of money then". buuuuut, when the next day it arrived, I found myself surprised, hahaha.. look, what a lovely! all of them contain nothing than SWEETS. oh how can someone could survive from this temptation, seriously? this December feels soooo festive than ever. ^___^

*runnie - hugging the treats*

Warning Sign

2011-12-08T02:19:00.000+07:00

by Coldplay

original picture taken from here. edited by me.

*runnie - don't let me passed you by.. :'(*

English: Punctuation

2011-12-07T23:17:00.000+07:00

let's learn something useful here. can we agree on that? unfortunately the picture isn't at its best quality for us to be able read the text clearly, but I think it's not that bad either. I've been searching for this kinda stuff lately. this is the first picture I post here, hope I can continue to do more so we can learn together. next I prepare for a post about "mixed-and-messed".

*runnie - too much to learn*

Do Not Disturb!

2011-12-04T06:00:00.000+07:00

I'm not joking. you've been warned. so please shut ~~your mouth~~ the door and leave me alone. I'm so freakin' busy right now!

*runnie - everyday*

It IS your OWN Decision

2011-12-01T23:15:00.000+07:00

getting fed up by this issue lately. I don't know, nor do I understand why people seems so hurry like they are about to beat the age on the race, and like there are no tomorrow anymore. this is not a race!!! this is much mooooore bigger than that. it's your life! and this kind of decision that will decide what you become next. whether you are one happy(er) person or become the one whose life is more miserable than before.

no need to hurry to tie your knot. think about it. this is not about your parents, your friends, your colleagues, your family members, it's not about them. it's all about you, you and you. yes YOU! you are the one who will live with the one you'll get married to, not them. easy for them to ask that such a question of "when will you get married?", soooo damn easy, but why are you so bothered by it? don't be.

people doesn't know what you've been through, and it's none of your obligation too to make them understand that. if you need more time to make that decision, then take all the time you need. the needs of everyone is not the same at such level and live stage of yours. there is no "NOW or NEVER" for this.

they can make you think about it, but don't let them drive you and decide for your live's sake.

*runnie - you'll gonna have to wait, mum..*

FORGET THIS NOT!

2011-11-28T22:11:00.000+07:00

have you ever forgot? maybe sometimes we are. just like I did, until a couple weeks ago. I forgot how to feel what we call a happiness, and struggled to find out one. I know how pathetic that was, but now I know what I was lacking of at that moment. I forgot my root. the very basic thing everyone should have (imo) in life. F-A-M-I-L-Y. yeah, your family could bring you millions of kind of happiness, the ones that you would never get somewhere else. in countless times, I constantly push my family away only because I didn't feel the loving sense of them in my life for years, and also for all the disappointment I've been through for the last couple years. what a wrong accusation and what a lame excuse I could ever made up.

I regret the whole drama I 'set' for myself because of that. I regret about the years I've spent moaning, crying, ranting, blaming every single person I met whom I think took part in a miserable life of mine. I've been sooo busy, spending my time looking for something that already been there in front on me. and the whole saga makes me remember nothing about happiness. no matter how hard it is to accept, but one thing I should know from the start is that I need my family, to make me feel happy :)

and now I feel so stupid. why didn't I see it? why didn't I turn around and find my way back to home sooner? why?!!!!

*runnie - back for good*

Randoms: eeeeh?

2011-11-22T02:17:00.000+07:00

I can't hear your British accent!!!! c'mooon.. out loud..

*runnie - ~~ai wan tu fou qiu~~*

I AM

2011-11-09T15:03:00.002+07:00

*runnie - ..... *

Are You Happy?

2011-11-07T22:36:00.002+07:00

a question that is hard to be answered, now. and it gets harder when you don't have a clue what to do to make you feel happy. where should you find this thing? or if you could buy some, where you can exchange your money with some of it? I think this is one of the hardest question among others. you can easily answer when someone have asked you "how are you?", just with "ok" or "not really well", yeah? but when someone strikes you with question of "are you happy?", silence is sometimes the best answer for it.

*runnie - silent*

This is ME

2011-11-06T00:01:00.002+07:00

*runnie - throw the book away*

Karena saya yakin TUHAN bersama saya..

2011-11-02T22:57:00.001+07:00

tidak ada alasan bagi saya saat ini untuk berhenti, karena saya tahu Tuhan bersama saya. Tuhan telah berbaik hati memberikan kekuatannya untuk saya melangkah walaupun saya tahu setiap jengkalnya akan memeras keringat yang tak terhitung jumlahnya, tapi saya yakin bahwa kuasa Tuhan tak terbatasi oleh apapun.

tidak perlu saya mengeluh yang tak berarti lagi, karena saya tahu Tuhan lah yg akan mengkonversi segala usaha saya dengan sesuatu yang tiada bandingannya. sesuatu yang Dia berikan, yang terbaik, di saat yang juga terbaik untuk saya.

apa lagi yang akan saya minta dari Tuhan, jika sebelum meminta pun Dia sudah memberi apa yang saya butuhkan.

"Maka nikmat Tuhan kamu yang manakah yang kamu dustakan?" (QS:55:13)

*runnie - praise Lord...*

She makes me RE-THINK!

2011-10-31T22:50:00.000+07:00

I hate when someone is trying to convince me to change my mind. that's not how things work in my world. but, this time is a BIG but, I let myself drown in my sister's words. and the BIG leap is now I openly ~~force~~ let myself (even though in pessimistic way) to think something I refuse to think before. not just refused to think, but I refused to accept and understand the concept of it, and I was like 'better without' think or have a touch of it.
--------------------
I always thought that I can build my own world, a world without a 'partner' on it. then later I choose my sister to be in the same boat as mine, as I consider she is the perfect partner to sail the 'same' ocean with me. I was willingly offering her myself. until a couple weeks ago, when my sister loudly said that she doesn't want me to become her, to follow her path, and above all to be the 2nd 'biggest' disappointment in the family.

since then, my world turns up side down, spinning in a way I don't want it to be, it changes its direction rapidly without me having a power to slow it down. I hate it!!!! I hate it very much!!!! I'm afraid of height, I'm afraid of speed, and now this world produce the combo of them for me. I need a grip!

I need to slow down. this is too much for me. her words keep banging on my head annoyingly.

*runnie - feels so wrong*

The Sign that tells so much..

2011-10-27T22:13:00.000+07:00

do you get it, or do you not?
I think people being sarcastic is not a coincidence. you need to think before pulling out one sarcasm 'spell' and aim it to some one else. but you know, just like love, nothing fun and give a 'happy ending', if the one you aim your sarcastic line didn't have a clue at all about what are you trying to say there. and to be honest, it's frustrating. but if they got it, then the convo could hit certain level of heat. nah, that's the way I like it :D

to sum it better, this gif done a great job! ;)

*runnie - sarcasm is MY body's natural defense against stupid*

Surprise(s)!!!!!!

2011-10-20T01:10:00.000+07:00

those are presents I successfully 'collect' from my belated birthday. the very first one (came before the date) is the jersey, and it's a present from me for myself (haha!). seriously, this is what I always did on my own birthday, giving me a thing that I wanted the most. actually this jersey was not meant to be this year's, but last year. to bad, I had less luck to get the gear of my ~~tiny~~ size, so I changed the present into something else. thank God, I gained more luck this year, and with a help from my friend I could get this one. damn, it's mine now!! :D -- btw, indeed it is a last season's jersey, just because I don't like the Qatar Foundation's face lays on this season and will be still for many more years to come. that's why I was so eagerly hunting this last 'pure' version of the Barca. so I can say I was very lucky this time.

the second one is the scarf from YIW. according to him, it was a hell of difficult thing to get done, to find something related to FC Barcelona. ~~yeah, what do you expect to happen in a country with minor la Liga's fans~~. really, not gonna blame him any bit, it happens to me all the time. every time I went into football gear shop, I ended up in nothing. though it's just a small stuff, but since I couldn't find it myself and now someone gave it to me, so this is a bit surprising. but still curious about the exact stuff he wanted to give me but couldn't get it. ~~which him keep saying that this is not the one~~. Moltes gràcies, nanu.. :D

but one day, I hope I can have this one hanging on my wall.. hahahahaha..!!! what a subtle insult, no?

the third and the last one is the book, which I just got few hours ago. came from my beloved girl, Alin. I have no idea why she picked this one for me, rather than it's a 'secret' way to say her sorry for the latest present ever to come, hahaha! -- hope I can finish this book as soon as possible. from a quick sight, this is interesting book. who knows, but hope so. thank youuuuuuu... :* but wait a minute...

what is that?!!! a "one fourth" century? C.E.N.T.U.R.Y?!!!! damn, I feel old... :(( -- God, please have mercy on her sin... :))

actually there are two more, which is one sent by my mom. but since she prefer to sent me food and snacks, so can't have the picture include, they were all gone long before I realize that the box is now empty (lol). and the other is what I call as a post-birthday present. something red, cute, has a ribbon on it, and it's girly. and it's from me. *duh!*

*runnie - ^____^*

U mad?!

2011-10-15T03:08:00.000+07:00

yeah, I (still) don't understand the motif behind your action. are you trying to be a stalker now? if so, what you've done is pathetic. is this all about what happened in the past time and now you're trying to convince yourself that I'm no longer a 'threat' to you, or what? I in the other hand, never ever consider myself as one. get over it!! for God's sake!! if you still doing this, you really need to see some professionals and cry for help now before it's too late and it'll drive you MAD.

*runnie - that gif....*

No Cut Needed for This One

2011-10-09T20:40:00.000+07:00

this is disturbing! how could you do that, tell him to cut that hair? you are a jelly-molly-cuttlefish, Berlusconi.. yes, you are! the thing is, you are the one that can not grow an extra ordinary ponytail like his. you can't top that!

hahaha.. actually, if I might say, this is a gossip from goal.com. ~~oh for God's sake, pleaseee... news from goal.com, what do you expect, seriously..? nothing but rubbish.~~ an interesting one. it says that Berlusconi had told him that he need to trim his hair. but I only think that he's just envy for not having the gorgeous ponytail like Zlatan's, and above all he doesn't have the perfect combo. mind you, it is a total massive double attack for your eyes when someone whose have muscles like him grow his hair and mustache (plus beard) like that. then the person is the one and only Zlatan Ibrahimovic?? God must have been sooooo good, isn't He?!! hahahaha...

PS: put your hands off him, mr. President! he's much better this way. just sit back and please your eyes..

*runnie - io sono molto contento..*

This or That?

2011-10-07T21:08:00.001+07:00

I used to give myself (at least) a present on my own birthday, and will so. but this year is a bit confusing. it's a fight between the need and the want. why on earth can't they be at the same path like the previous years? I gave myself a most wanted jersey ever, couple weeks ago as the penultimate present, but now I have no idea what to give me. it supposed to be the jersey as the main present, ain't it?! arghhh... why didn't I think this way?! *boooo.....*

*runnie - shit!*

Disappointed

2011-10-05T19:08:00.000+07:00

October 4th, 2011 04:58:18 AM --- a beeb came out from my cellphone.

I know that's an sms waiting to be read. and I kinda know too that it would be from you. wonder what are you wishing me for this year's birthday.

read the msg. trying to find my name on it. at first I thought it was wrongly sent by someone else, but then I assure myself that the sender's number is yours. on second thought, oh maybe you forgot to put my name on it. then yeah I labeled it as 'the-one-that-not-having-any-of-my-name-on-it'.

pretend to be happy. thought that you didn't call me because you're afraid to wake me up at that hour, and will later call me instead. but hours just passed by under my nose, and still there's no you calling me.

I want to hear what you wish for me, not read it like the way I just did. I need to hear your voice talking to me, not in a way I'm just imagining it. I don't need any other gift than you praying for me AND with me, which now I could only wish that would happen (again) someday.

at this age, it's ridiculous to ranting about this such thing, but at this time I need another strength to help me pull my self up together. and I need you to be one of it. but too bad, this is what I got....

*runnie - you USED to call me, dad...*

Vice versa

2011-10-04T01:06:00.002+07:00

or it could be turn out this way: Just because I don't understand doesn't mean I don't care *grin*

*runnie - si si, señor*

Buon Compleanno, Ibra!!!!!

2011-10-03T15:03:00.000+07:00

let me recall my memory when I used to drooling over him, though I'm still now. it's really a bitter sweet love for me when he was a Barca player, especially with his 'phenomenal' exit *sigh*. but no matter how bitter the taste leave in my mouth, I can't deny this long life love for him. I have very clear idea why I'm so in love with this cocky-mofo-badass. no one can top his arrogance. pure class!! not only that, the way his behave is just the way he is. full of confidence, threatening, intimidating, cockiness overload, but he's charismatic at the same time. isn't it weird? urghh.. I wish I know how to end this love. ~~which I prefer not to (haha!)~~

it's good to know him now doing well in SerieA. I can't afford to see him 'not being him' at Barca, even though I'm deadly want to see him triumph at this club. imagine this: Barca + Ibra = what a threat combo!!! but enough is enough. already proven that he can't be Pep's 'toy', at least his ego wouldn't let him be, so no chance to moan about returning him back to Camp Nou, yes? :D

anyway...

HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY, my bitter-sweet love...

big guy, big ego, big luck, even bigger of everything..

*runnie - how gorgeous!*

Believe it! (DO NOT force it!)

2011-10-02T20:54:00.000+07:00

THIS!! whoever made this, hats off. though I don't have any penis attached on my body (hah! :D), but this analogy is so 'tasteful'. I think it's quite understandable to compare it with a penis, since both of them are at the same zone of sensitivity. maybe you will find it a bit harsh, how come something holy like a religion could even be compared with something 'dirty' like a penis?!! hahaha.. I don't care, I do agree with all those points above. for me, it's the simplest way to understand what 'damages' could a person bring into the surface if he/she shows it off and choke it to everyone like the way they want (or to be precise, like they are told to).

religion is there to be believed, not to be forced. you can't force someone to hold the same faith as yours. let alone all the goodness of every religion raise up to sky and make this world a much more better place than it's now. if I could I would blame all the people who fight each other in the name of their religion and those who burn out all the humanities in the name of God. for God's sake, don't you read carefully your Holy Book??? even God doesn't want us to be one race, one color, one kind. He made us like we are now just to open our eyes that we can be beautiful together even though there are millions differences between us all.

--picture taken from somewhere on google world :D

*runnie - doesn't have penis*

:)

2011-09-21T23:57:00.003+07:00

September 12th 2011.

I was quite stupid when I made so many efforts to refuse the sad feeling which I supposedly feel that day. when one of your best friend is willingly make a big lap in life, of course it already covered with love and happiness, there's no way for you to ruin it with your unreasonable feeling of sadness. indeed, I didn't drop a single tear, but in the other hand one part of me was crying and still (a bit) up now.

how many times do I have to tell you that a marriage will change any other relationships around it, whether they were built long before the marriage itself begins or the ones that built just recently, at least that's what I believe. it will change almost if not everything right after it was begin or later on. and that's maybe what bothers me the most.

yes, I'm afraid of losing you.

it was stupid when I talk, walk, act, and round around with nothing but some random feeling that really makes me uncomfortable that day. the emptiness was creeping out and sadness began to eat me from inside. hahaha! totally stupid! I know I should not feel that way, it's pathetic. but it's just happened that way, I couldn't help it. the only acceptable reason I can make (up) for all this mess is 'the more I feel about it, the more I know how big my love for you is' :D

ok, enough about me being miserable here. albeit I was that busy handling the sadness, I still prayed for your happiness and your better life together with your partner. believe me, I did it! there's no change for me not to doing that, no?

PS: may Allah bless you and will pour all the grace upon you, keep yourself in good health and save, give you itty-bitty-little-cuttie baby boy and girl, guide your marriage into the very right path and direction, and so on....

*runnie - xo*

Pick One!

2011-08-07T06:18:00.003+07:00

need to get out of this system a bit more, so I guess this stupid and random stuff will help me to do so.

---------------------------------
Coffee or Tea --- both!! I can't pick one of them, they are coming in one package for me, always.
Fish or Chicken --- and all-you-can-eat from the sea.
Cats or Dogs --- but too bad I can't have it.

Indoors or Outdoors
Sun or Rain --- depends on the day and current mood.
Mountain or Beach --- no doubt!
Morning or Night --- sleep! though I can sleep any time any day :D
TV or Movies --- no TV is worth to watch except for football match.
Fruits or Vegetables --- but lately trying my best to like vegies.
Blondes or Brunettes
Journey or Destination
Chocolate or Vanilla
Daniel Radcliffe or Rupert Grint --- haha!
Harry Potter or Twilight --- HP Team!!
Silver or Gold
Fun or Serious --- laughs develop less wrinkle on your face, later.
Jeans or Shorts
Crowds or Solo
Relationship or Single --- always feel much better when single.
---------------------------------

what else should I put on?

*runnie - so random*

¡Mira! Que guapa, no?

2011-08-03T00:11:00.061+07:00

I've been so in love with any browny thing lately. I finally bought a dark choco braided-belt, while in fact the one I need supposed to be black, few months ago. and about 2 weeks ago I bought another dark brown, but this time was a hand bag, while in another fact, I already have one with just a bit lighter color.

it becomes a sweet temptation for me when my eyes catch the color. the same happens when I stumbled on TBG and found this gorgeous baby. please your eyes and have a look from another angles...

the problem is, where can I find them? I don't know any Umbro's store here, nor that I ever knew one. Adidas and Nike are the two biggest and famous sport wear here, though I believe that Umbro is among the top 10, but still it's rare.

choco brown mixed with leather? perfecto!

*runnie - drooling*

That's what friends are for, no? :D

2011-07-24T11:08:00.044+07:00

current mood:

when only 2 of all your friends know this shit, while one of them is busy like hell, sure you will throw yourself to the other one. thank God he still have the patience to bear me with all these reckless and miserable shits around my life. soon, very soon than I've expected. the laugh comes bit slowly but sure. the emotion has change its form now, and I like this one better. I thought it will cost me another year(s) than I can afford, guess I was wrong then. this is what they called fast recovery.

".... so you can laugh at me for the coming years. go ahead then."

"why just me? why don't US?"

";)"

*snap*

yeah, why don't us laugh together, eh? the one that I am grateful for is I still have friends to comfort me, to laugh at me at first then the next day together laugh with me. I know, in the end this shit is worth to be laughed. that's why I deleted the last 2 post here. it's nothing but I don't wanna get and swim into a gloomy page everytime come to visit my own blog. the 'fuss' is over.

PS: thank you, brainiac! *hugs*

*runnie - laughing*

(my) Ode

2011-06-05T01:15:00.027+07:00

Padi - Ode

Semua cerita tentangmu yang masih tersimpan di dalam benakku
meresap di jiwaku, memenuhi ruang hatiku
Seperti cahaya mentari kau hadir
terangi hidupku, terangi jalanku
menuntunku memaknai semua

Dan aku takkan melupakan semua yang indah
yang pernah engkau ucapkan

Meski kau telah berlalu tak lagi di sisi
namun cintamu akan tetap hidup
tak terhapuskan, tak tergilas oleh waktu

Dan aku takkan melupakan semua yang indah
yang pernah engkau berikan
cintaku tak henti mengalir untukmu
mengenalmu adalah hal terindah yang pernah aku alami

Ooo.. aku tak akan pernah melupakan semua yang indah
yang pernah engkau ungkapkan
setiap pesan kan terukir di hati

Semoga damai selalu bersamamu
Semoga damai selalu bersamamu
--------------------------------------------------

I can't help my eyes from leaking the fluid out everytime my ears catch this song. it's too beautiful, too peaceful and too painful at the same time for me. listening to this one is almost impossible for me not to recall the memory back when I still breathe myself underneath his skin, jajaja.. I know it's too much now, but we were at the same time share the same songs days in and days out. so what do you expect me to do now? there are too many memories that can't burnt down or vanished out just with one whip of a magic wand, no? :P

*runnie - semoga damai selalu bersamamu <3*

It's Funny..

2011-05-07T22:40:00.021+07:00

...when someone who doesn't like you start to talk trash and shit about you (of course behind your back), while in fact you never give a damn about him/her because he/she is just an invisible one for you.

I know maybe it's pathetic rather than funny, but that's just insane and ridiculous. people start talking bad and insulting other with words and act like they are in a 'war' but don't have a gut to face the one who they aim the words to. what more can I say than those kind of people are COWARD.

and oh yeah one more, if you don't like things that others around you did/do then STOP doing it yourself. you're nothing better than other hypocrite in this world.

*runnie - pity on you*

My Dad, Osama and the Whale (?)

2011-05-03T08:05:00.077+07:00

it all started when my dad texting me last night and ask how I'm doing. lately since he's home now, he starts doing weird things when he's texting me. not mention that some times he caught me under his kid-bully with the none sense, hahaha. like the other day, he made me believe that he was at the stadium watching Arema play with my sister (-_-"). and last night he did it again, only now in a different way.

adek lagi ngapain? apa lagi ikut demo, huahaha... ---- actually I didn't know which one does he mean by that 'demo', since this country has 'produce' a huge number of it in daily basis. and also I don't understand why he's laughing *pokerface*

ikut demo masak pa, hahaha.. papa ngapain? ---- my best answer :D

lagi ngelayat osama bin laden, dek... ---- translated: going to Osama's funeral, honey...

hahaha, betul mati kah sudah tu pa? dibunuh kah iya? ---- I'm questioning Osama's death and its cause. I said, he's murdered no?

engga dek, dia keleleken duri.. duri ikan paus.. ---- and here is my Dad's best answer above all!! translated: no honey, he got choked by spine.. a WHALE's spine..

oh my dad.. how I wish to answer that with: "was it the whale I tickled few days ago?!"

*runnie - duh!*

a place called H.O.M.E

2011-05-02T20:23:00.000+07:00

when no one ask you to come home, then where is your home exactly?

I can't even tell you the answer. pity that I failed to find it myself.

maybe it'll be much better for me to believe that my own heart IS my truly home. so then I don't need another fake home to be mine, no? but unfortunately, I can't say "I wanna come heart..". for whatever it takes, the line is always in the form of "I WANNA COME HOME". again, no matter what, the 'heart' can never replace the word 'home'.

isn't it a home where you can feel safe, protected, free, peace? and when you're not around it you feel so damn miss it? or when you're at a stage called stressful it's the only place you wanna be?

*runnie - home~~less~~*

He's not a wanker, only a tranny!!

2011-04-29T14:13:00.000+07:00

you might familiar with this game, yes it's Pet Society. ~~I can't believe I'm still stick my ass with this game for 2yrs now!~~ and that is my pet. I named it Chabi and it's a MALE pet!!! don't blame me about his dress. ~~blame the Prince William and his fiancée and their wedding.~~ he wanted to dress like that after receiving a gift from his relative ~~actually, I sent the costume myself from my other account (duh!)~~ and he insist coming to England to attend the Royal Wedding with that dress too (-_-!). so far, he's doing really good. dressed like the one he wants or I am the one who dressed him like the one I want. ah whatever!!

he's now 2y.o. and I can't believe that he really is like his 'mom'. he can't cook!! tbh, since I can ~~over~~cook my meal I'd like to say that he's worst than me. and the way he never give a gift to his friend is just unbearable!! I didn't and never teach him to act that cheap!! urghhh... this mofo, I can't even... [-(

PS: Happy belated Birthday to my one and only pet, Chabi!!! I love you with all my heart, even though I did not feed you well all these years, nor did I wash and clean you well too. I know I was so mean to you, by not taking care of you. I let you sleep in a cheap house and make you work your ass off every day. but believe me, I love you, ok?!! so pliiis, bear with me. I'm not gonna promise you anything, but I'll try my best to feed you with every food you wanted to eat as long as it's not cost me more than 100 coins ~~it's better be around 50~~. yeah you know, it's getting hard now days and we should both hand-in-hand to minimize all the cost.

*runnie - monologuing (smh)*

When the train has passed you by....

2011-04-26T14:07:00.000+07:00

THERE!

yes there, right at the platform ~~9 3/4~~ near the railroad.

will it come back and finally pick you up later? or there will be another train available for you to hopped in?

*runnie - waving goodbye*

B.O.R.E.D

2011-04-18T22:22:00.043+07:00

current mood:

boredom strikes me right to the core when I needed my creativity on a top form the most. fuck! I don't like this, it's like I'm a dull person. I can't edit one single picture while on the other day I can produce 10 pictures, yes you read that clear, 10 pictures. I once or twice could do better almost hit 15 or something. it's been 2 weeks now. huft..

I actually have plenty things to do. this should be done by ..., that must be done by ..., this and that, these and also those, urghhh.. mierda! muchas cosas! for a jobless and an unemployed like me (lol --- shut up, don't you dare laugh at with me like that!! only me and myself allowed to have that laugh!)
it's not that hard to breathe in times like this, in fact I can enjoy my life better no matter what, but the boredom is just something I can't help with.

the whole 2 weeks went not entirely bad actually, many laughs spent and so many smiles painted my days too. but I can't help the lack of creativity I have here with me right now. speaking of the good news, it came from my Spanish course. done the Grammar session unit 1 up to the 9th lesson. still ways to go, but it went perfect. I had finished it just about 4hrs, and spent 1 cup of tea, 1 cup of coffee, 2 oranges, couple slice of bread, hahahaha... I've been greedy!! what do you expect? it was at 7 in the morning! and that meals were just perfect to light up my day (lol)

*runnie - mumbling*

6

2011-04-15T12:21:00.000+07:00

it's not Xavi's number! it's my FINAL MARK!

from my very last exam after 12yrs sit my ass ~~days in days out~~ in formal school grades, all I got is just that 'marvelous' number for subject: BAHASA INDONESIA?!! yes, I AM an Indonesian, absolutely! undoubtedly! but if you asked me why this was the best mark I could get?! go ask my former teacher(s). one of them was the most hated teacher I've ever had, and she was hated by ME! she was the one who gave me that famous "6" on my last grade. for God's sake!!! thank God I could still graduate with only 6 on my paper.

actually, this subject was not that difficult. the problem was and always is I'm a lazy ass if I had to in touch with this evil. nothing fun about studying this subject, and both the material and the teacher(s) were failed to make me like it. the worst thing happened when I still had to 'date' this subject once a week in my college. it's disaster!! and the lecturer was too stupid to teach in front of the class, not mention that she kept clumsy all the time. but I thanked God, she gave me B. ~~of course after I bribed her with my bullshit essay about Harry Potter and had to show her that I like to write too (just like her) and maintain a blog since pretty while ago myself~~. whereas I know there's no way I could escape from the evil inside the exam paper.

I don't speak this language in my daily life. only if I had to have a formal conversation with others in some formal place, or speak it with Sundanese here (coz after 4.5yrs living here I still can't speak their language. what a troll!!). I prefer to speak in Javanese language because both my parents are Javanese, most of my friends are Javanese too, and we speak as it's our mother-tongue language.

my tongue got stumble with Bahasa Indonesia. I used to fail when try to arrange a sentence in daily basis conversation with its formal form. now I know why I can't be a diplomat and work on an embassy. I will surely ruin the communication and language test. this sin is an unforgivable one. but since I consider myself will always attached by this sin, so be it. I let myself be a sinner, hahaha..

PS: look at the picture above! the heck with the mid-guy's hand. is he trying to grab the girl's butt? omg!! is that what you teach your kids to do at school? and it showed on a cover of a textbook? the hell with this educational institution!! and one more, the title is written wrongly!! it should either on all capital letter or the first letter of every word is!! goddammit, why did I ever believe this ~~porn~~ subject?!!! this is a fucking disgrace of C.R.A.P!!

*runnie - rofl*

No Strings Attached

2011-04-11T11:28:00.101+07:00

what good is a commitment when you can't keep and tied yourself in it faithfully?!

I don't know about you and other people think about this, but until now all I can see is just a demand after demand when talk about a committed relationship. and when the other side starts (to act) being so demanding about yourself, that's the tiredness starts to begin and consume you, hahaha.. ~~ok, gotta admit, but this is what I don't want and need from a relationship.~~ it's stupid, especially when your partner doesn't do what they ask you to do. unfairness overload!!! for God's sake, you're NOT married YET!!

for me it's about choosing an option. being in a committed relationship or stay free. put a ring on your finger or let the space remains empty. make a call/text/msg like once in every 30mins or just having your coffee in good rhythm every day whenever you want. run your world in highly tense of craziness or just walk it slowly and calmly. going out in a 'must-dating' Saturday night in a boring way or just sit my ass in my own room with basket of snacks and cool drinks watching football. it is a total insanity!! and for me (again) I prefer the second options :D

plis, it's not me judging you who choose the first option. here just the difference between us two. no one is better than the other at this stage. I'm not saying that me, being as 'free' like this, is better than you who tied yourself in a ring. or you are better than me bcoz you choose what seems to be the right path for common people (and that's what people do). but it's more about the comfortable we feel on this matter. neither me not saying that I will never cross the same path as yours now, it's just not the time yet to faithfully throw myself on that road. not yet, baby.. not yet.. :P
------------------------------------
speaking of the title, it's funny when last week I watched the movie and start thinking about my own self on my previous relationship. and tbh for whatever it takes, I like it that way. hahaha.. but it was not easy as it seems. :D

*runnie - cut the strings*

a Mighty God film presents...

2011-04-04T04:40:00.000+07:00

kalo mereka bilang dunia ini panggung sandiwara, ada benarnya juga. dan makna dari satu kalimat itu baru bener2 saya resapi beberapa hari kemarin saat saya terlibat obrolan dengan salah satu teman saya. awalnya hanya sebuah obrolan ringan yang lebih ke meaningless, tapi justru dari situ muncul suatu ide pikiran baru. it was just popped like that!! :D

kata teman saya itu, sejahat2nya peran yang dilakoni oleh seseorang, paling nggak pasti ada satu sisi baik yang mendampingi. bisa baik untuk diri yang bersangkutan, atau mungkin malah justru lebih banyak baiknya untuk orang lain. itu juga kalo kita masih mau meluaskan horizon pandang kita, sampai ke sisi2 yang sulit dijangkau. karena kalo hanya terpaku dengan cara pandang yang standart, ya pasti cuma keliatan jelek/jahatnya aja. saya gak bilang itu mudah untuk dilakukan, tapi saya juga nggak bilang itu sulit untuk dipraktekan kan?! memang banyak hal yang bikin kita 'buta' untuk bisa melihat sisi baik dari setiap peran (terutama yg antagonis) di sekitar kita. ya entah itu karena kita sulit mengatur ego pribadi, atau karena sudah tawar kebanyakan ngecap rasa sakit, jadi semua dipukul rata jelek dan jahat. ribet dah kalo udah kayak gini...

pernah kepikiran nggak kalo sebaik apapun peran yang kita lakonin, tetep aja ada jelek/jahatnya untuk orang lain. case yang sama kan kayak yang tadi, hanya sekarang kondisinya berbalik. jangan pernah menganggap semua peran baik yang kita lakoni akan baik juga untuk orang2 disekitar kita. pernah tau hukum relativitas kan?!! yeah, it's simply proven exactly like that. peran baik yang dimainkan orang lain, bisa jadi teaser buat kita, apalagi kalo peran jahat.

saya hanya salah satu dari sekian banyak hal di dunia ini yang diikut sertakan dalam sebuah film garapan Tuhan. dan Dia mempercayakan suatu peran tertentu dalam satu scene tertentu pada saya. dan tugas saya adalah memainkan peran tersebut sebaik2nya. apapun peran yang sudah atau akan Tuhan percayakan kepada saya, tidak ada kuasa saya untuk mendebat dan menyangsikan apa yang Tuhan beri untuk saya.

aaaah.. koq jadi kayak preacher gini ya, boring ih!! udah ah gitu aja :D

*runnie - action!!!!*

Welcome, baby!!

2011-04-02T20:07:00.052+07:00

here come to your new mommy....

akhirnya beli headset juga. YEY!!! senengnyaaa.. ini gara2 kapan hari itu headset yang lama ketindihan pas tidur, huhuhu.. *bego!* ~~udah kamu gak usah pake nanyak gmana maneuver saya kalo lagi tidur! sungguh tidak patut diungkapkan di depan khalayak ramai, bwahahahaaa..~~ jadi kabel yang ke kuping kanannya itu kecabut. ya kan nggak enak ya, masa kalo mau ndengerin lagu cuma dapet sekuping kirian doank. ya wes, trus kan beli lagi, nah kali ini beli yg gak pakek mic, yang cuman kayak bawaannya handphone itu loh. beli gocap, dan tebak donk dia ~~cuma~~ bertahan brapa lama? gak ada sehari udah aja kabelnya kecabut lagi. dan saya nggak bisa ngebenerinnya. arghhh!!!! mana pas itu dibela2in beli padahal duit udah mefet banget lagi... dammit!!

trus ada si Alin yg minjemin headset samsungnya, scara dia katanya gak suka pakek, lagian juga speaker saya yg udah butut itu dipake ama dia. ya critanya ini tukar guling gitu, hahaha.. ya sud terima aja deal'nya, lumayan juga itung2.

and then, pas capek pakek headset balik lagi lah saya ke jaman purba, terpaksa harus ndengerin ~~rintihannya pilem bokep~~ lagu pakek speakernya laptop. iya, laptop yang itu, yang serinya udah uzur dari Toshiba itu. so, I never expect too much from it. ini speaker pertamanya gak knapa2 loh, beneran! pas dipake nyetel Tonight-nya Enrique Iglesias kenceng2 lah koq ndilalah pecah suaranya. ya Tuhaaaaaan..... iya saya tau, itu vclip isinya banyakan toketnya daripada muka si Enrique sendiri. tapi kan ya gak gitu jugak kalik! masa iya, Tuhan ngehukum saya pakek cara mecahin speaker. itu namanya kejaaaaam!!!

buat saya punya headset itu penting dan sangat penting! saya orangnya gak gitu suka nyetel lagu berisik sih, apalagi kalo idup di lingkungan kosan gini. saya kalo nyetel lagu banter mah beraninya kalo pas lagi sepi, ya bukan apa tapi saya selalu nganggep selera orang itu beda2. gak semua orang semua orang suka sama selera musik saya, takutnya nanti malah jadi ngeganggu gitu. so, sore ini tadi pergilah ke BEC sama si Bona dengan niat ingsun beli headset yang ~~murah tapi~~ keren sekalian. budget udah disiapin di range max 200k. tapi ternyata gak nyampek segitu. dapetnya malah cuma 60k, hahahahaaaaaaa....

current mood:

*runnie - mbudeg*

Supposedly Happy

2011-03-27T20:20:00.097+07:00

this is supposed to be the very best news I've ever heard, but instead of feeling happy, I was down and drowned in tears.

I'm not a social girl who has million friends nor the one who very easily making friends with everyone. I just have very few of them whom I'm comfort to interact with, and those who I can call as my close and best friend. I know, I become more private person than ever, and only surrounding myself closer with people less than my both hands' fingers count together. so when one of them (will) 'leave' me, I can't take to feel the pain. you know, the pain of losing someone you love the most.

yeah, I do love her. the girl who in any time soon will turn into a woman. the girl I've ever left unspoken for couple days just bcoz she forgot instead of hang out with me, she went out with ~~the 'I never like' version of~~ her boyfriend, back when we both still sit in the same class on high school. the girl who always called or texted me in the middle of the night just to sobbing about something bother her. the girl who I feel must be protected. the girl who used to be (and still) clumsy in front of other people she just met. the girl who loves chocolate as much as I do. the girl who knows me better than my own sister. the girl I put all my trust on. the girl who is my secret locker for years. the girl I lean on to when I hit my lowest but feel never had enough happiness to shared to.

what am I supposed to do without her later? oh God...

call me selfish bitch, I don't care! coz I'm afraid of losing her as my bestie. yes I do!

the fear of losing precious times together, giggling on many stupid girl-things. the fear of facing any changes in relationship after that. the fear of any distance that will (maybe) separate us both. and any stupid fear that's not supposed to be felt are now surround me.

current mood:

*runnie - hiding in a dungeon ~~and crying~~*

3 jam yang penuh cerita (part 1)

2011-03-24T17:07:00.129+07:00

current mood:

ini hari hari apa sih, koq banyak banget kejadiannya, scara yaaa gak biasa2nya nih kayak gini. jadi curiga aja....

ini tadi abis balik dari nganterin emak ke pool'nya Kramat Djati di jl. ambon sono. iya, udah dari hari minggu kmaren si emak disini. ok skip, bagian knapa emak saya kesini dan dari kapan dia nyampe bandung ~~tapi baru hari apa dia nginep di kosan~~ itu gak penting. yang penting itu kejadian selama di pool'nya bis dan selama dijalan menuju kosan saya. nih ya, saya itu kan bukan tipe orang yang extrovert dan yang bisa cingcong sana sini sama orang gak dikenal, tapi ini tadi beda banget loh. entah mood yang kayak gimana yang lagi ngglantung di atas saya, tapi hari ini ada banyak cerita yang dilahirkan cuma dari sekitar 3jam interaksi sama orang luar, a.k.a strangers.

cerita #1:
waktu lagi nungguin bisnya dateng, kan lagi pada duduk2 tuh di teras pool'nya, eh ada ibuk plus anaknya cewek duduk diseberang tempat duduk saya ama emak. dia bawa karung dagangan gitu yang di depannya ditulisin nama plus alamatnya dia. nah tulisannya disitu "blablabla.... Banyuwangi". oh orang timur juga ternyata, batin saya. lanjut lah ke acara tanya basa basi, eh akhirnya malah jadi cerita. kata dia, itu karung isinya jaket2 buat didagangin lagi di Banyuwangi sono. si ibu ini ternyata punya usaha toko kecil2an di desa (serius dia sendiri loh ini yg bilang desa, bukan saya yg ngeklaim), nah kebetulan pas lagi sowan ke bandung sekalian lah dibuat ajang kulakan. kata dia itu isi karung semua dia beli pake modal 4.5jt, dengan rata2 harga jaket yang dia beli itu tadi sekitar 40-55k, yang nantinya mau dijual sama dia dengan harga >100k. saya nggak yakin apa si ibu ini masih punya laki apa nggak, tapi dari perawakannya ini orang masuk tipe2 wanita fighter. keliatan banget kalo dia dari timur. entah dari garis mukanya, gesture'nya, cara dia bicara, bener2 kayak 'preman' deh. dalam hati cuma bisa bilang, gile ini ibu... kaga ada kalem2nya jadi wanita, hahaha... tapi seriously, I have some respect towards her no matter what. ibu ini mungkin bisa jadi versi keras dari emak saya. yep, emak saya juga fighter loooh... you really can't imagine what my mom did to keep my family alive.

cerita #2:
pas lagi enak2nya ngobrol sama ibu pertama tadi, eh ujug2 dateng si tante ke 2 ini. entah angin apa yang bawa dia kesitu, tiba2 nyodorin tas ransel isinya laptop'nya ke saya, trus bilang "aku nitip ini ya, isinya laptop, aku mau beli tiket dulu". ya cengok donk saya....... scara kenalan aja belom, bukan juga tante gue, eh dateng2 malah begitu kelakuannya, hahaha. long story short, dia balik dari beli tiket trus duduklah di deket si ibu yg pertama tadi, dan ngobrollah kami bareng2. ternyata si tante ini mau pulang ke Gresik, abis ada pelatihan entah-apa-lah-itu di UnPad. nah pas nanyak2, eh koq dia ngehnya kami (saya+emak) ini dari Nongkojajar, nyamber lah dia kalo dulu pernah hampir dapet laki orang Nongkojajar, trus sambil malu2 gitu bilang gini "ya kali emang bukan jodoh ya, jadi gak jadi deh, qiqiqiqi.." (eh itu serius loh dia giggling, bukan saya yang ngada2). si tante yg satu ini cukup antik, dari cara bicara, dandanan, sama kebiasaan. saya nggak sok tau loh ini perkara kebiasaan, scara di depan kami semua tiba2 abisnya dia bilang kalo dia ngantuk, dia ngeluarin kotak kecil trus nyendokin isinya ke mulut dia. saya kira pertama itu kayak gula kelapa ato aren gitu, scara warnanya cukup gelap dari jauh. ternyata itu KOPI pemirsaaaaaa....!!!! dia negak kopi, dan cuma kopi doank!!!!!! jadi kata dia, dia suka ngesangrai itu kopi sendiri, trus ditumbuk2 sendiri, dan ditelen2 sendiri. ~~ya iya donk!!! masak iya saya mau nelanin itu kopi buat dia?!! are you NUTS?!!!!~~. itu beneran kopi loh, tapi gak berupa bubukan halus, jadi kayak ditumbuk kasar gitu. astagaaa!! itu lambungnya koq kuat ya. gilak, bahagia sekali jadi tante ini, bisa ngunyah kopi kayak gitu. jujur waktu itu saya langsung keinget sama LUWAK!! hahahahaaaaaa..... apah? kamu nggak tau luwak? theeeer...lhaaa...lhuuu...!! nih saya kasi bonus potonya ~~si tante~~ luwak!

cerita #3:
di pool situ kan ada beberapa pedagang asongan yang suka nyanggong ya, mulai dari loper koran sampe ada juga yang jualan roti yang pake bawa2 keranjang roti yg dari seng itu loh. nah, ada satu bapak yang jualan ini sumpe rese banget orangnya. dia jualan pake jurus maksa, kan gerah ya jadinya. udah ditolak tapi masih aja ganjen! nah dia ini naroh dagangannya di seberang saya, trus dari situ dia manggil2 "neng...neng... ini beli atuh rotinya, ntar daripada si nengnya kelaperan..", dan pula udah saya jawab "teu, pak..". dialog kayak gitu udah terjadi beberapa kali loh, serius gak cuma sekali. nah pas saya setengah nglamun kan saya ngeliat kosong ke depan saya, pas ini beneran saya nggak ngeliat dia ato keranjang dagangannya. tiba2 saya disikut sama emak, ngasi sinyal2 gitu biar saya ngalihin pandangan ke si bapak tadi. eh ternyata dia masih doooooonk nawarin rotinya ke saya, dan kali ini pake pasang tampang muka melas. nih ya, sekali lagi saya nggak tau mood kayak gimana yg lagi ngisi hati saya kemaren, mau itu bapak rese'nya kayak apa jugak herannya gak ada sedikitpun rasa jengkel ke dia. justru saya ngeliatnya itu salah satu bentuk usaha, iya USAHA!! plus gak lama, emak saya juga ngomong gini... "itu yang namanya BERJUANG!! pantang nyerah!! kamu itu harus kayak gitu, jangan ciut kalo ditolak orang..." ----bener juga emak saya, tapi kalo udah ditolak ampe 3x juga mah saya pikir2 kalo masih mau tetep kekeuh atuh, hahahaa...

cerita #4:
pas emak udah duduk di bis nih, kan saya masih nunggu itu bis bener2 jalan ya. nah disebelah saya ini ada ibu udah paruh baya deh, sama anak ceweknya yang masih kecil, paling sekitar 10th lah umurnya, gak lebih. dia ke situ karena nganterin suaminya yang mau balik pergi cari duit. nah cerita punya cerita dia ini asli orang Surabaya, tapi lakinya orang Sumatera sono dan sekarang punya gawe di daerah Nusa Dua, Bali. satu lagi, itu keluarga officially tinggalnya di sini. bingung gak loe? ~~saya sih nggak, scara keluarga saya juga pernah 'berantakan' gitu idupnya sampek tahun lalu.~~ bayangin donk, dari sini ke Bali sono (apalagi sampe Nusa Dua) naik BIS!! ya ampuuun, itu kaki bisa bengkak kmana2, yakin saya. kata si ibu, biasanya si bapaknya ini naik pesawat, tapi berhubung karena kali ini si anak sulungnya juga dibawa buat cari duit di Bali, jadi bengkaklah pengeluaran kalo masih maksain naik pesawat, makanya mereka milih naik bis. pas kita lagi enak2nya ngobrol kan bapaknya dari dalem bis ngelambaiin tanganya gitu, eh koq si adek kecil ini nangis donk... dan pas saya liat muka si bapak, astajiiiim gak nahan, sedih abis bo'. sumpe itu bapak ngingetin saya banget sama bapak saya sendiri. untung saya inget itu tempat umum, kalo nggak udah nangis bombay lah daku T____T. akhirnya si bapak kan gak tahan ya, keluar lah si bapak itu dan cipika-cipiki lagi ama anak bininya. duh! kalo ngeliat mereka, mesra banget dah! apa kamu bilang? saya iri? ya iya laaaaah... jelas itu, semua yang berbau harmonis bin romantis bin penuh cinta dan kasih sayang selalu bisa buat saya iri. puas kamu?!!!!! [-( saya ngeliat itu keluarga hampir mirip saya keluarga saya sendiri, itu knapa saya bisa ngerasaain gimana perasaan si adek kecil ini yang nangis sesenggukan mau ditingal bapaknya, dan dia gak tau kapan si bapak bisa pulang balik ke rumah nengokin dia lagi. life oh life... why so cruel?!!

gilak, udah panjang banget aja ini postingan. dilanjut besok aja deh.... capek jugak ngetiknya :P

*runnie - mijetin jari*

What makes you smile?

2011-03-23T01:49:00.026+07:00

do you see me smile there? pretty big eh? you know, when things change in your life sometime it brings you lots of smile than tears. and right now, I want it to be like that. no matter what kind of change it will be, so be it, but what I want is still me can smile among the changes. lately I'm very easily to smile and that makes me keep trying to convince myself that I'm not crazy, hahaha..

I have a YM id since I was still on my 10th grade ~~damn! I'm old now!~~ and since then I always keep all the conversation saved on the archive. I didn't do that first on purpose, but then I set that as default setting right after I realize what to do with it. this is not happen to anyone on the list, but for some I will reread the archive again and again, and still find me smile while doing it. stupid?! maybe yes, and I know that for sure, but that's just nothing compare to what I get from doing it. I still can find the funny and still can laugh in most part of the conversation.

I like doing it. it's like press the 'rewind' and 'play' on a music player when I hear and enjoy some nice songs. this will harm no one, no? it's only a little habit that I enjoy but not with the meaning I prefer to live my life in the past. noooo, it's not like that. I wanna smile, I go find the archive I've saved. that's it that's all. besides, I'm not that crazy about this activity. it's just one of hundreds or maybe thousands way to put smile back on my face.

so, what about you?

*runnie - just red one of them*

How Are You?

2011-03-19T03:37:00.038+07:00

I dare to answer that kind of question with a big...

I AM HAPPY!!

yes, I am! that's how I feel now. it's pretty easy to say that, but not everyone can feel the happiness behind the line. me? I do now feel that way. so many things had happen lately that make me feel incredibly happy. many laugh I've shared with friends, both the old ones and the new one(s). I feel that in this life stage of mine, I careless about the things that used to worried me much. I let it flows and start to enjoy my life more and more.

less thinking about my 'unfinished' thesis, a reckless life with unemployed status, and also less thinking about some never ending family issue. I try to enjoy lot more about my life, my food, my friends, my sleep, my prayers, my coffee, my tea, my craziness of those 'unbearable' boys, my new comm., my everything. yes my everything!

I don't need to draw a smile again on my face, bcoz the smile comes by itself. I don't have to fake my laugh, bcoz I do now feel the funny inside every jokes some one else tells me about.

current mood:

*runnie - hell yeah!!*

Coffee, lads...

2011-03-13T01:52:00.052+07:00

how do you like your coffee to be served? me very much like the less sugar one, no matter what kind of coffee it is, as long as it's less sugar, I'm gonna love it. but since I'm not a big fan of black coffee, so about a week ago I bought a bag of pure coffee beans (this time I chose Robusta) along with creamer and ~~with very high level of confidence~~ start to improve my barista skill. I used to make coffee from the instant sachet, but lately I feel so bored with the taste. that's why I decided to jump back to the old days when I made my own coffee with my preferable dose of caffeine.

I'm a coffee lover, so I don't mind to have any kind of coffee and at any time to enjoy it. iced or hot. plain or blend. but I don't like the none-caffeine, I don't know but for me it's not coffee, it is something that has a taste like coffee. everytime I go to Starbucks I always end up with its Caramel Latte, hahaha.. it's just so tempting! and since I can't make my own blend coffee, so it's the best place I can go whenever I want to 'suck' a large cup of little heaven (lol). ~~and also since I can't afford to go there to suck any taste of heaven like every day, so here I am with my own cup of coffee.~~

I owned almost the exact size of cup like the one above, so I prefer to make my dose with:

- 4 tablespoon of coffee

- 2 1/2 tablespoon of sugar

- 2 1/2 tablespoon of creamer

that's how I like my coffee to be served. what about you?

*runnie - slurp...*

My Mom vs. and Me

2011-02-18T23:28:00.022+07:00

aah gak ada abisnya kalo ngomongin yg satu ini dah. semakin bertambah umur, saya ngerasa koq hubungan saya sama mama ini tambah unik ya, kayak bitter-sweet gitu. kadang kalo pas telp2an bisa nggegek gak jelas, kadang malah bisa sampek nangis karena jengkel. saya nggak tau gimana hubungan ibu-anak orang lain, cuma buat saya hubungan saya dengan ibu (mama) saya ini, saat ini, bener2 kayak permen Nano-nano rasanya. apalagi setelah ada 'orang baru' itu, huft.. semakin rumit. yeah of course, what else could it be?

saking seringnya sekarang 'gontok2an' perkara si orang baru itu, sampek lupa kapan terakhir kali saya curhat yg beneran curhat sama mama. kalo dipikir dan diinget2 lagi, emang udah luama buanget saya bisa curhat sama mama, dan menganggap mama sebagai tempat curhat yang ok. mungkin karena tambah tua jadi sekarang lebih ngerasa (sok) bisa ngurusin semua masalah sendiri. hmm.. mungkin lebih tepatnya sekarang lebih ngerasa kalo curhat2an itu ujung2nya malah ngerepotin orang yg dicurhatin, jadilah sekarang lebih milih untuk bungkam dan menyelesaikan masalah sendiri.

saya memilih untuk mengurangi, bahkan sangat mengurangi, sesi curhat ke orang lain. saya membiarkan orang lain yang curhat ke saya, termasuk mama dalam hal ini, tanpa saya harus balik membebani mereka dengan curhatan masalah2 saya. ternyata dengan gini saya ngerasa jauh lebih nyaman. contohnya kalo sama mama, race 'sapa duluan yg curhat' pasti dimenangin sama mama, jadi ya wes lah saya yg jadi pendengar. kalo udah gitu ya nggak tega mau ngomongin masalah sendiri ke mama.

tapi kalo gak gitu kan gak ada ceritanya ya. tetep harus disyukuri, toh ini juga bagian dari nikmat Tuhan, ya tak? :D

*runnie - mendengarkan*

Tonight (I'm Fuckin' You)

2011-02-14T19:32:00.004+07:00

"Tonight (I'm Fuckin' You)"
(feat. Ludacris)

Yoooooooooooooooooooooou
Yooooooooooooooooooooooou
Yoooooooooooooooooooooooou

I know you want me
I made it obvious that I want you too
So put it on me
Let’s remove the space between me and you
Now rock your body (oooh)
Damn I like the way that you move
So give it to me (oooo oooh)
Cause I already know what you wanna do

Here’s the situation
Been to every nation
Nobody’s ever made me feel the way that you do
You know my motivation
Given my reputation
Please excuse I don’t mean to be rude

But tonight I’m fucking you
Oh you know
That tonight I’m fucking you
Oh you know
That tonight I’m fucking you

You’re so damn pretty
if I had a type than baby it’d be you
I know your ready
if I never lied, than baby you’d be the truth

Here’s the situation
Been to every nation
Nobody’s ever made me feel the way that you do
You know my motivation
Given my reputation
Please excuse I don’t mean to be rude

But tonight I’m fucking you
Oh you know
That tonight I’m fucking you
Oh you know
That tonight I’m fucking you

LUDA..
Tonight I’m gonna do
Everything that I want with you
Everything that u need
Everything that u want I wanna honey
I wanna stunt with you
From the window
To the wall
Gonna give u, my all
Winter n summertime
When I get you on the springs
Imma make you fall
You got that body
That make me wanna get on the floor
Just to see you dance
And I love the way you shake that ass
Turn around and let me see them pants
You stuck with me
I’m stuck with you
Lets find something to do
(Please) excuse me
I don't mean to be rude

But tonight I’m fucking you
Oh you know
That tonight I’m fucking you
Oh you know
That tonight I’m fucking you

------------------------------------------

really it's been a while since I put a song on my blog, and now I come back with 'this' song?!!! the hell am I thinking?! hahahaaaa.. whatever! I love this one. don't really know when exactly this song was published, but it has been my 'lullaby' before me off to bed since like a month ago :D. I love the beat, the naughtiness, the right-to-the-point lyrics, and of course the vclip, what else? hahaha.. this kind of beat always get me excited and make me feel that my world is running a bit faster. I think it's good for me and for my ~~eyes~~ jobless life.

I like Luda's part here best. actually, I like him both as a rapper and as an actor. he reminds me with Titi Henry and Titi reminds me of him, hahaha.. this is insane coz I don't know where is the connection between them two (lol).

*runnie - tonight, baby.. tonight..*

Are You Ready?

2011-02-03T15:06:00.005+07:00

this movie will released this mid. so get your ass prepared ladies, coz these two ~~dayumn~~ men will gonna shake your meaningless life till it drops into some point that called...... (feel free to fill the blank :P)

*runnie - can't wait the premiere*

After a week (or more)

2011-01-17T02:38:00.046+07:00

it's not my habit to not paying attention to my digestion problem, but for the last week I don't know how I just forget about that. and when I realize, I think it's too late. yes, it is bcoz if I'm not miscounted here, it's been a week ~~or more~~ since I did my last 'poopy'. I've been drunk not enough water and so didn't eat proper portion of daily vegies and stop eating banana. that's where the trouble come from. I never had this kind of trouble before. for me the schedule is always once in 1 or 2 days. and it's like a routine. so, when this thing happens, it's like something that hmmm a bit unbearable to me. it's torturing and very2 annoying.

actually this is not the first time my body breaks the circle, but indeed this is the first time that hold the record for more than a week, urghhh... disgusting!! I used to drink yogurt to ease this pain, but I think it's not the good idea since I can't have fave yogurt. so, instead of drink random yogurt or eat lots of vegies, I tried to find another help by making a shortcut to get me sit on a toilet sooner and doing my 'job'. last night I just had my one full portion dish of vegies and have this as my saviour:

I don't know how many bottle you can take each day, but instead of following the rules I drunk them like one every 4 hours. and by now, I think I made the right decision. and maybe you can try it yourself too when the same problem strikes you ;)

*runnie - *

¿Què?

2011-01-04T07:52:00.005+07:00

current mood:

if there is one thing I probably hate about being a girl is that girls are so easily to cry, and that happens to me the most for the past one year. I've cried a lot, more than I should be. I'm not used to cry before, neither an easily one to be, but the past whole year just too heavy to bear. too many things didn't run out well, to many tears did run down and still indwell. if I could maybe a dam already built in front of my eyes right now, just to stop this tears from streaming down anymore.

God promises me that He won't put any unbearable weight on my shoulder, but this burden seems too heavy now, and yet it's getting heavier day by day. I know that I'm just another role in His movie, but even an ordinary role sometimes needs a stunt to replace him/her place, no? so can I ask for mine now? I'm deathly need a time to rest. I can feel that my body is not yet tired, but my heart IS, along with my head. I can feel the pain now, the pain I kept from a long time ago. no matter how hard I try to avoid to feel it, it still hunt me now to strikes me down.

I don't wanna cry anymore. my eyes run dry now. I don't wanna drop any more tear.

*runnie - may I have Your shoulder?*

SUICIDE?

2011-01-02T23:39:00.002+07:00

today I'm just shocked! got news from my friend that one of my college friend was committed suicide, hanging himself on his hostel room's ceiling. his body was found by his girlfriend at 9am this morning. I don't know how I'm supposed to feel. I mean, yes it's true that I don't even know him personally, and yes it's true again that I never said even a "hello" to him ~~so it looks like the word 'friend' is just for technical purposed only~~, but the reason behind his death is still stunned me. look, I don't wanna talk about the reason here, coz it's not something that I can easily mention here. it's too terrible to be said. to be honest, it's still shocked me. for me, there is NO reason for someone could be able (and allowed) to commit themselves into something horrible called suicide. NO REASONABLE REASON COULD JUSTIFY A SUICIDAL!!!

I actually don't care on what happens in other's life but mine, unless they are my friends' or relatives'. but what was just happened today recall my thought and push me to think of my own life. I'm not judging him (my dead friend) for taking the way he just did, but for me I never ever can understand why people choose that way of life? why?!

life is soooo much beautiful with all the sweetness and the bitterness, no? but why that such a bitterness could bring you so that down low? everyone has their own bad times along with the good times. there's always a two sides of coin in this life. good-bad. sweet-bitter. high-low. happy-sad, etc. God made all those pairs for us with some hidden purpose, or at least that's what I believe. while He in the other hand was being so kind to give us a pair of one heart and one brain. so we can feel all His masterpiece with our heart while our brain working to calculate and try to figure out what is the hidden purpose that He left for us.

yes, I know for some pain it might feel so fucking hurt and maybe it leaves you a permanent scar. you can't bear it. you can't ease it. you can't get rid of it. you can't solve it. you can't do what you want to do to make it even better. everything you try seems like an empty spaces. every step you take only brings you to another (lower) level of fuckery. it dips you deeper into dark water you can hardly breathe. you feel that you are fail. but the pain will make you stronger. I always believe that, like always! and I don't wanna lose my faith in believing such a thing like that. that's my grip to keep on going no matter where life will take me to, up high or down low.

I'm not talking this shit to make me feel stronger. I had times (so many times) when my life and my world doesn't turn and run like the way I want it to be. I ever felt what they called a depressed. I also ever felt hopeless and helpless at the same time. even once I couldn't feel any more, numb. but then I realise that I do have a life, a wonderful life, and that's what keep me awake. a life in which I can't living it by taking one role among others and that is being such a coward. a life that is so precious more than anything and I will never ever want to exchange it with other's life. a life that God gave me bcoz He was and always be soooo damn good to me. a life that I can spend it with having not enough praising my grateful to The One who gave it to me. a life that is just like mine now.

I'm not saying that mine is out of reach of trouble. it's not always easy and happy either. but what I'm talking about is this is a LIFE. oh my Lord!! you, yes you.. just give me one person in this world who doesn't have a single trouble in his/her life? I dare you!!

I feel like such a troll when I can't figure out the reasonable reason people tried to give on their action of suicidal. I feel stupid when I can't make my self understand why they took that way to rid their life off. I don't know, it's just so many things (almost everything) can't and won't fit in my puzzle when it comes down to a suicidal. and still don't understand why....

PS: I was about to put a picture of hanging rope on this post (like the I always do), but when google showed me those images of hanging ropes I can't bear myself out from feeling such an undescribable strange jolt in my chest to my stomach.

*runnie - mumbling in bitterness*

Moving

2010-12-26T01:14:00.000+07:00

nice! I'm just moving all the Barca related posts into here. I think it's better to have two separated blogs. so there will be no more chaotic tags on the idea, a bit more focus on one thing now.

*runnie - tired*

today's happiness

2010-10-21T20:46:00.002+07:00

today I found this on my tumblr:

How has your day been? :) <333333333

I dont remember much about what people's been saying to me. but for what happen today, I'm gonna remember it as long as I can hold my head up. it's not the first time some one had ask me like that, but what makes it special is that question came just at the right time when (maybe) I needed it the most this day. big B used to asking me that, and I think he's the first one who did it. today some one has asking me that. it really made my day. I dont know why, or dont care. I'm just feel happy about that. see, how one single simple thing could bring happiness to your life just like a blink of an eye. and I feel blessed..

PS: thank you, bb.. you really made my day --besos--

*runnie - happy*

you dont call that a friendship

2010-10-20T14:09:00.003+07:00

is that too much to ask if I want just one true friend? I mean, a friend who really does put his/her feet on 'friendship' shoes. for better for worse. for every good and bad things had/will happen in both life.

not the one who just walk away from you whenever they feel comfort and when all the things run so well in their live. but throw SHITS to your face when the world they living in doesnt turn on the right direction like the way they want. it such a ridiculous thought when you still call such relationship like that as a friendship. I say, bullshit!!! you dont call yourself a friend if you dont really act like one. ok, take this..

you are my friend, but I'm just gonna hook up with you if I did something wrong in my life, or if something wrong happens in my life. if it's not, then I'll keep it to my self. bcoz what, you are the one who knows me better, who understand me better than anyone else I've ever knew. no one could take me when I'm down the way you do.

enough for me to feel like I'm the trash can to you. I dont wanna say that I dont care anymore about you, I still care about you, but you gotta make this thing up. stop shitting me like that!! it's not because I cant, but I dont wanna take it anymore shit from you! I had enough!! ok let me make this straight, I just wanna hear any good news from you, if isnt so, then you can find some one else to throw it into, bcoz my can is full already!!!

PS: just grab your own basket then cry you like!!!!

*runnie - wait for my can to be empty*

with a bunch of (nicest) people

2010-10-10T19:13:00.008+07:00

time to enjoying holiday was over, but the feeling still remain ~~unspoken~~.. being with them was such a pleasure, where I (personally) could be whatever I am with all mine.. you could left the clumsiness behind, and just be the way you are.. laugh as loud as you can, and being stupid as an idiot is allowed and approved!! jajajaja.. glad to have them all in my life.. I can take all your stupidity along with me ~~as long as you accept me bitchfacing any time I want~~...

*runnie - feeling lucky*

what I start doing..

2010-10-07T20:07:00.003+07:00

last 4th was my birthday, and as usual I start to do something that I never did before and stop doing others.. for this year there are few things I already did since 3 days a go and still will doing the rest, and also things that I wanna stop doing it..

- wear a very bright-white flat shoes, which I bought it for my birthday gift *yey!* --notice when I say bright, means I mean it!-- and today I wear it for the first time and it scuffed my back heel successfully.. but too bad I can't put any picture of both my shoes and my scratch :(

- put my ring back after years I've left it somewhere, but not at the same place now.. it still on my left hand, but I'd moved it to the one next to former finger, and of course for some reasons, jajaja.. *stop me from being so dramatic!!*

<--- this was taken years a go, but now the ring is not at the same finger anymore :D

- got myself 2 headbands today, and now I wear one.. I think the last time I wore a headband is when I was at Junior High, which means it's already thousand years a go :))
- confess another sin.. I drink C-O-K-E again, but just occasionally!! *promise!* :D
- I start my hair loss treatment intensively.. bcoz I think I'd have enough of losing my hair lately, and I really don't wanna get bald before I turn 60 (God bless me!!), jajaja.. *seems too much to ask*
- last but not least, I considering myself to get a tattoo but still no idea where I'm gonna put it on.. *slap!*

and I guess today is my lucky day.. I had my lunch at KFC and got me drink Pepsi again which they gave it in a paper-cup as usual.. but the one that's not usual is the paper-cup's cover.. I though the World Cup series was over, but the one I got had proved me totally wrong.. I got the one with Messi on it.. oh lovely!! that little man was perfectly fit on the paper-cup ~~not like the Drogba's one :p~~

here where I took Messi from, jajaja..

*runnie - tattoo??*

random thought on random post

2010-10-03T20:33:00.002+07:00

*runnie - hell yeah..*

Learning Spanish

2010-10-02T23:15:00.005+07:00

oh c'mon, don't make that face!! jajajaja.. since I put my concern about my ability to speak foreign language onto higher level, I decided that Spanish would be the second.. after a bit muzzy to choose between listed my name to Goethe-Inst. or pushing myself to learn Spanish autodidact --bcoz I can't find a proper Spanish course in here, too bad-- then I came to conclusion that I prefer to make a ~~lot~~ bit effort to learn Spanish.. there's always at least one reason behind every decision, and mine is I'm in love with it.. speaking of major language, why don't I choose Chinese? which already proven that more than a billion people has use it.. then the very simple answer comes out: I don't wanna grayed my hair off by learning that kind of language!!! besides, I can't see the advantages for myself on doing that.. I never dream to go there on vacation, neither to studying, nor to get any kind of job there.. it's just big NO!!

1. since I proudly labeled myself as a culé, I can't let myself know nothing about what-the-hell they're talking/writing about my beloved FCBarcelona.. I used to watch the match online and when I got streaming links from around Spain, I fell clueless about most of the commentator said about the game.. and I don't like that!! it's kind of frustrating when you just know some words (familiar ones) for the whole 90 minutes.. you could be distracted if you just swallow only one-two words from all the conversation they had.. I know people from Barcelona and all the media there use Catalan rather than Spanish.. but it's impossible to strike it without knowing anything in Spanish.. this Spanish is like a bridge to get into it.. I want to understand it better, even if it less than how I understand English --I give a lot credit to my self when it comes to English--, but still I want it better.. not just few words!!

2. few months a go, I found one of Mexican boyband named "Camila" *of course from youtube, where else?!*, whose sing perfectly gorgeous.. and yeah, I praise them from the beautiful harmony they brought to my days.. but the problem is I don't know the meaning of all their songs, so I deathly need help from google to translate it to English for I can fully understand it.. it's pathetic, and again I don't like it!! google did help me a lot, but I can't always run to it every time I forget and need to know those words meaning, right? besides, the "just-snap-your-finger" to know something related to language is not the perfect way to understand foreign language, and fortunately it also doesn't work for me.. so I need to dig deeper to get to know the language they spoken..

3. still from the giant Youtube, I found the very f*ckin-nasty-stupid-idiotic-ridiculous TV program called "Crackovia".. you can grab it a bite-sized on youtube, or just go to its official web to watch it for full episode from the last two and present seasons.. this one maybe is the foreign funniest TV program I've ever watch.. it's broadcast on Catalan-based TV (TV3), and it makes everything that just happened on FCBarcelona turn into some more worth-to-laughed-to stories.. I cracked myself to death every time I watch this, even though most times I know nothing about what they're talking about --they speak more Catalan and little Spanish--.. but no worries, you can find its translation on youtube version.. oh I never get enough when talking about this one, so just find it yourself, huh?!

from then on, I decided to learn Spanish rather than take an expensive course at Goethe.. firstly, I found website that offers the 'free' course, but it's not help me much.. so I went to other media: Book!! yeah I know, it's classic, but I think it's still better way to learn something.. unfortunately, here where I live, they sell nothing than just a piece of 'garbage-which-has-cover'.. it's not that easy to find a proper book that could give me proper lesson to learn Spanish.. I went to so many bookstores, but yet they gave me none!! pathetic!! then few days a go I found good books at amazon.com, but the problem is: the price is f*cking disgrace!! while I still struggling from the shocking price, I bought this book just this afternoon *yippie!!*

from the slightly review, I think it has enough lesson to fill my basic and yes it's easy to learnt.. even though I keep saying that I still want those books from amazon.com to be mine a.s.a.p, but it's ok!! this one could handle it, at least for as long until my package is on my hand, i'm gonna stick my self to it for a while, jajaja.. btw, this book is divided into 3 parts, like it said, it's 3in1-book.. those parts are grammar, verbs, and vocab.. it's not as good as the one basic from amazon, but I'll try my best to accept it la verdad es que se, jajaja..

oh you have no idea how happy I am today when found this book on the shelf that never mentioned before by the bookstore keeper when I first came looking for it *damn!!* --lesson 1 on the bookstore: never trust the keepers when they'd told you that the book you're looking for is NOT on their shelves. just go find it yourself, bcoz it must be hiding somewhere and they are too lazy to show you where it is exactly!! it happened to me more than twice!! fantastic isn't it?!! [-(

PS: waiting for my books to come and make this year's wishlist, hoping for some one will handed me over the Collins Spanish Dictionary, jajaja... *yeah, my wish!!!!!

*runnie - hola, mi nombre es Runnie ^__^*

men who well-dressed are NOT (equal with) GAY

2010-09-06T03:16:00.007+07:00

He's really really really gorgeous in that suit, isn't he?! ^_^

I really do love when men could dressed him self well, instead of being reckless and untidy (and most times smells too --oh hell NO!!). for me, the way they dressed is representing how the way they are in so many ways. men must have taste to drives him in a right path of style. it doesn't have to be with luxuries or expensive things, but the way they could mix-and-match their clothes is what's matter. i believe that people could be 'seen' just from the way they dressed themselves. even though it's still not fair to judge people only from their 'cover'. but, whatever you wear, it's show to the others who you are (a bit).

how we dressed could present our age, our mood, our taste, our passion, our interesting, our energy, and so many i couldn't count here. you don't have to be rich to buy a lot of luxy things to suit your mood, or to show your passion. it can come only from a simple thing such as tidiness. my own experiences told me that even if you could buy a mountain, that doesn't mean you could buy the taste. one friend of mine is so f*cking rich, so that she could really buy everything she wants just a blink of an eye. if it came down to money-matter, then everything is solved by itself, hahaha. but the problem is, she couldn't even dressed nice, i can't say well. pardon me, but i gotta admit that her taste is really really horrible.

on the other side, i do too have a friend [should i give quotes on the word friend? LOL] who really could place his feet on the hi-taste-shoes. he dressed well, and smells so good (even though he's a smoker). he doesn't have a perfect body, but honestly he could wrap it up with something nice and gorgeous, and that makes he looks soooo adorable. honestly, i learnt so much from him in a way how to dressed my self. he taught me how to mix this and match that. what color should be wear when you wear certain color that darker or otherwise, or how to 'manipulate' your weight and body shape by wearing 'secret' clothes ---and i suppose he's the best master, whilst he actually succeed done it :D. oh i wish i could put some of his pictures here to show you how adorable he is, hahaha. *of course, it won't happen in a million way!! :P*

speaking of a dressed-guy, it's irritating me when some one just simply saying "that man is a gay" or "he's dressed really gay", only judging from the outfit they wore. cmon get a life, people!! how could they do that? it's too harsh when saying something that you don't know what exactly you are saying. it happened to me once, when one of my friend said it exactly like that. ~~oh you can't imagine how i wanted to slap him so bad, right on his face~~. i still can't understand a thought like that. ok, i don't know much about gay, but what's wrong with gay?!! it's like that's something bad when you saying that. they are a human being too, just like you and the rest of us. so stop saying those kind of words!!

if you wanna (at least, try) get dress, you can pick any style that suits you the most. which is, most comfortable, most affordable, most seasonable, and most reasonable. it's useless if you're clueless then dare to pick any with eyes closed. that's stupid!! you can check on google images or else, hit by one word, or maybe name, and there you are..... a lot, i say a lot of references you'll find on the page. it's impossible for you to not getting any!! at least one among thousands style could suit you better.

<---- this picture could tell you so much, but sadly i could only give you a few :P
1. being good-looked is not always with a luxy things.
2. a classic pair of jeans is the best pants you could have.
3. a plain t-shirt would help you a lot if you get clueless. remember, a plain one, not a dork one!!
4. if you're not confident enough, just pick custom color.
5. just put sneakers, and you'll doing well.

nothing's wrong when you are a man with good-looked, well-dressed, and nice-smelled. you are not hurting anybody. so stop worrying to be called a 'gay' with what you wear. being fabulous is not a sin or kind of crime neither. those who had very narrow minded only, could say that. besides, if you dressed well, that means you help people from 'blindness', hahaha..

--i love how Geri put all those things together. still simple but absolutely adorable!!! and the way Titi dressed up, oh don't you dare to tell me that he's not gorgeous in that suits. te quiero mucho, nois!! ^___^

PS: next post will come up with a man who really knows what to wear.

*runnie - who in love with a well-dressed man*

week end = football

2010-09-02T16:58:00.005+07:00

I can't remember when was the first time I watched football match (on TV, of course *hufttt*), but from that very first time all I can remember was that I'm so in love with it. I don't know how, just love it and surprisingly not by the 'greek-god-looked' they had. but the love came from the game, when it boiled my adrenaline to the next degree of rushing. I relize that at first I knew nothing about football, nor any of the rules neither the style or how the way they playing it. you can say that my football IQ was below the horizon line *LOL*. but it's kinda led me into something I called a journey. the journey that brought me to the adventure of 'football-madness' world.

and now here I am, sitting in front of my lappie with snacks on my right and cold drink on my left, spending and enjoying every single week-end I have on watching those matches. oh how i did, do, and always will enjoy my life like this. i really don't mind if i wasn't away to hanging out on sat-night. it doesn't bother me neither!! although I still do spend some times hanging out with my friends, but I assure you, that it's not gonna happen whilst my beloved club having their time on the pitch. and thanks to Lord that I don't have to spend another wasted-time to arguing with my 'friend' from avoiding the obligation called 'sat-night-ritual', since we're not live in the same planet, hahaha.. *LOL*. it's much better to talk about the league when the week day comes to Friday, and share our times together on the week end and enjoy the games. --even though i'm the one who suffer from midnight-til-dawn-life here :P

it's kind of learning session for me. every single 90mins is another lesson to learn. and I have to! I'm happy every time I learn something new, whether it's about style or the rules or anything else that still has any relation with those 22-lads doing on the pitch (if you count the ref also, then it would be 25 :D). --how the ref could effect the player. how they handle the tackle. how they pass the ball. or anything, i said anything, on-out beyond and maybe above the football thing. I have learnt from day to day to understand more and more about football. what's the defense mean when they play against offensive opponent? how can I label a tackle is clean one? how can the versatile player suits the team with his style but still satisfy the demand of the team? what's the role of DM, CB or any else position on the team? and some other detail essential knowledge that should known by those who love football. I'm not saying that I already knew it all. but one day, yes I will. it's a matter of time when I will actually 'graduate' from those kind of things.

for now days, still i vote for football week ends for dating, hahaha.. and once again, thank Lord, I can have them both, dating while watching *yeey..!!!*.

PS: seems like i'm not dating you, but we both dating this guy named football instead. and the worst is at the same time, jajajajaja... but dont worry, you're still on the top of my league for the rest of the (week) days *LOL*

---pic taken from Guardian

*runnie - november is still along way to come*

tear that tears

2010-08-16T01:20:00.002+07:00

tiba2 ngerasa panas di daerah sekitar mata dan hidung. padahal udah masuk rakaat terakhir. duh jadi nggak konsen, ngarep jangan sampe pandangan keburu burem deh, tanggung kan udah mau ruku' akhir....

arghhh... gak sanggup! pertahanan dipaksa merobohkan dirinya sendiri. ambrol. jebol. arghhh.... gak tau knapa tiba2 bisa gitu. yakin yang dirasa sih cuma berat, seseeeek banget. tapi tetep nggak ngeh sebabnya apa. ya atau mungkin sebenernya tau, cuma nggak mau ngaku.

terpaksa harus menyerah dan untuk beberapa menit selanjutnya setelah salam hanya dihabiskan dengan membuka 'kran'nya lebar2. biarin lah keluar semua, gpp. mumpung bisa. soalnya biasanya yang kayak beginian ini nggak dengan gampang bisa kejadian. jadi mumpung ada moment, no hesitate lah.

what come after? glad a bit. but still clueless about what was happen. on second thought, get rid of it it's a better way than think about that all the time. no good for any of my part though if i have to bear it all around. not make any better either.

in time like this, i need a shoulder to lean on to and of course a heart to rely on, more than ever before. i dare to say that i need you next to be here, honey.. right by my side.. T__T

PS: still wait for the time to comes, mue ♥ :*

*runnie - exhausted, judging by the heart*

what a weight?!

2010-07-28T12:35:00.007+07:00

huuuffffttt... it's getting heavier now, more than ever. i breathe less. im too busy to suit every single mask which i have to put on my face. im too excited to laugh on every-fucking-things that i have no idea what's that all about. im exaggerating single little piece of happiness to fill my whole heart for not become ashes in the end. im not walking, im flying. yes up high to wherever im not supposed to be. just to find one place.. a much more better place where i can rest my everything. been tired of this whole year(s) and still got no clue how many more will last. wanna play some other roles, instead of being dork for these few months.

when things go well, you have to be calm.. and when they go bad, you need to be calm.. because the good will pass as well as the bad.. --Maria Luisa Perez--

*runnie - .............*

a Supporter.. am I?

2010-07-08T05:35:00.010+07:00

Dem!!!! saya ketiduran!!! niatnya nyetel alarm jam jam 12.10AM buat siap2 nonton German, ternyata saya baru bangun stengah jam'an yang lalu. SHITE!!!

waktu bangun, layar laptop saya stuck di film The Hurt Locker yang tadinya saya setel buat nungguin laga German, tapi DVDnya macet, walhasil freeze lah dia di satu scene *huufftttt*. plus window YM dari Eddy, yang isinya blablabla... pas liat jam, masa'alah udah jam 5 tet. duncreeeeenkkk!!! kmane aje gw?!!! reflek langsung nggambil hp, udah ada 4sms masuk. huh, males skali buka itu sms!! and i've wondered why didnt my alarm wake me up?!! *another SHITE!!

--------------------------

dari YMnya Eddy lah saya tau kalo German kalah. rasanya langsung unbelieveble. ngcek ke FIFA.com, score'nya 0-1. aaahhh... nggak bisa dipungkiri kalo saya merasa sedih. 2008 juga kalah di final Euro 0-1, sekarang tinggal 1step closer, kalah lagi. arghhh....

kalo saya hanya melihat dari satu sisi seperti itu, jelas rasanya menyedihkan, bahkan sangat2 menyedihkan. tapi itulah proses pendewasaan di dunia sepakbola untuk saya. saya selalu ingin menjadikan diri saya sebagai seorang supporter, bukan hanya penikmat bola. menurut saya, perbedaan keduanya sangat jauh dan signifikan. saya tidak suka menjadi oportunis untuk urusan yang satu ini. seperti katanya JSL,

Poligami dalam sepakbola itu hukumnya HAROM..

selain German, saya tidak menjagokan tim lain untuk jadi cadangan just in case kejadiannya seperti ini, German kalah. karena buat saya apapun yang terjadi tim German adalah tim yang terbaik. dari awal mula saya kenal tim ini, dari situlah saya mulai jatuh cinta. saya gak yakin tahun berapa, tapi itu awalnya muncul nama Ballack trus ada Kahn yang lagi naek daon, sama Klose juga. mungkin sekitar akhir 90an atau awal 2000an. dan waktu >10th yang lalu itu, saya tau bahwa saya belum mengerti arti sepakbola bagi diri saya sendiri seperti sekarang. walaupun tahun2 sebelumnya saya sudah teracuni dengan kompetisi liga milik salah satu negara Eropa tetangga German, tapi tetap saja saya tidak pernah merasakan feel'nya untuk menyukai permainan timnas negara yang bersangkutan *yang banyak scene 'menyelam'nya*. and i stick with my pick. mungkin karna faktor Germane ya, jadi mereka terlihat gahar dan keras kalo di lapangan. itu yang paling saya suka. saya tidak peduli dengan gaya sepakbola yang mengusung esensi tari2an ala Amerika Latin, kalo mereka mau nari ya di ballroom aja deh sono *ngakak*. tapi saya jauh lebih senang dengan permainan taktis yang terukur, tersusun rapi, serangan dengan umpan 1-2, passing yang tepat, finishing yang sangar. kalo saya bilang, squad yang sekarang sudah sangat hafal porsisi teammates mereka masing2, jadi jarang skali passing bolanya mleset *gak kayak tim yang itu tuh ;))*.

saya nggak mau mbahas strategi or style or whatever it is lebih lanjut tentang tim satu ini di postingan ini, karena nggak akan cukup page'nya. tapi one day, saya pasti akan mengupas tuntas tentang Nationalmannschaft der German ini. ok, back to the topic...

bicara tentang pendewasaan diri (sendiri) dalam sepakbola, kali ini sangat terasa prosesnya. kalau pada level club kan kita punya waktu 38 weeks semusim untuk bisa terus menikmati perjalanan dari club yang kita supporter'in, tapi kalo levelnya timnas gini, kan berarti cuma ada kesempatan sekali (at least) dalam 2th, karna jadwalnya yang nyilang sama continent cup. itu juga matchnya nggak sampek 10 kali (karena kualifikasi gak pernah ditayangin di tipi, dem!), jadi berasa precious sekali tiap match. satu kekalahan bisa nyesek seminggu, hahahaa *lebay*. saya (mulai) terbiasa dengan kekalahan tim di level liga domestik (bukan Champion!) karena there're still another match in another week to catch. tapi sampe sekarang masih belum terbiasa dengan kekalahan di level international, jangan kan yg event 4than gini, yang tiap tahun di Champion aja kadang masih tetep garuk2 tanah ampe bedarah kalo kalah, hahaha..

tapi justru disitulah seninya sepakbola dan menjadi supporter sepakbola. kegembiraan, kesenangan, euphoria dan suka cita adalah ganjaran dari perjalanan men'support suatu tim tertentu. namun tidak ada menang tanpa kekalahan kan?! bagian yang sulit adalah menghadapi kekalahan. jelas ada rasa sedih, mungkin kecewa, atau lebih jauh lagi muncul rasa frustasi kalo kemenangan yang ditunggu2 tidak juga menghampiri *kayak supporter klub sebelah tuh :D*. tapi jangan ngaku dan mengklaim diri sendiri sebagai supporter kalo cuma karena satu kali kalah udah balik-kanan-bubar-jalan dan milih tim lain. itu bukan supporter, itu hanya penikmat sepakbola oportunis!! but it's OK koq, whoever you are and whichever side you chose, we're together in football. kalo boleh sepakbola itu diibaratkan agama, maka clubs dan Nat-team itu ibarat mahzab. masalah kita memilih untuk jadi supporter ato penikmat itu seperti tingkat keimanan kita dalam menjalankan ritual2nya, hahaha...

kekalahan bukan alasan kuat buat kita bisa judging tim tersebut ini dan itu. sepakbola itu luas dan ada ribuan aspek yang mempengaruhi, bung!! jadi gak ada alesan untuk langsung memvonis 'mati' tim dengan kalimat2 sarkastik. coba lihat dari berbagai sisi sebelum melakukan judging. kayak German yang kalah semalem, mereka tidak bermain dengan buruk. mereka bermain sesuai porsi, walaupun yah hasil akhirnya seperti itu. saya bilang mereka tetap bermain baik, karena masih ada tim2 besar lain yang bermain jauh dibawah standart permainan yang ditunjukkan German *lebih baik tidak saya sebutkan timnya :))*. dan perlu dicatet, mereka bermain B-E-R-S-I-H!! gak ada ceritanya jatoh2an yang nggak penting dan penuh kelebayan. they were/are playing football and will still. dengan kekalahan seperti itu, setidaknya bisa mengobati kesedihan yang dirasa. saya nggak kebayang kalo misalnya kalah karena permainan yang buruk, amburadul, passing amatir, umpan ngasal, dll dsb. no wonder lah kalo kmaren ada berita yang katanya ada orang dari benua Latin bunuh diri abis timnasnya dengan sukses dipulangkan sama timnas lain. itulah gilanya sepakbola. sudah seperti cinta dan agama.

memilih meminang sebuah tim sepakbola itu rasa2nya hampir mirip dengan pacaran. ya walaupun beda konteks sana-sini sih, tapi mirip lah. miripnya ada di masalah kecintaan, loyalitas, pengertian, dukungan, kejujuran. kalo berani bilang cinta ya harus berani terima apa adanya, jangan cuma terima menangnya aja, tapi juga harus mau ngadepin kalahnya. kalo udah cinta, pasti muncul loyalitas yang akhirnya nanti bisa berubah jadi fanatisme (mudahan fanatisme positif). kayak tadi yang udah saya bilang, coba berikan pengertian tentang bagaimanapun kondisi dan prestasi tim saat ini., toh gak bayar kan untuk bisa ngertiin aja. kalo ngertiin aja nggak bisa, gimana mau cinta?! bagaimanapun keadaan tim saat ini, kita nggak bisa mungkir kalo dukungan dari supporter adalah penguat yang important untuk nafas hidup tim. ini bisa dilihat di Arema, gimana support Aremania bisa benar2 jadi pilar penyangga yang menopang kehidupan dan nafas club saat club itu ada pada kondisi paling terpuruk. saya nggak mau mengambil contoh yang muluk2 ke club2 di benua seberang lah, tuh yang deketan aja. above all of those things, kepercayaan juga gak kalah penting. percayalah bahwa kita sedang berproses bersama. naik-turun.. berjaya-terpuruk.. susah-senang.. kalah-menang.. kita harus percaya bahwa itu semua pasti akan datang silih berganti.

so, mari2.. rapatkan barisan untuk dukung tim masing2 ya.. jangan pada norak pake tawur2an segala deh, hari gini udah gak jaman pakek tradisi purba kayak gitu. gimana sepakbola kita mau maju kalo isinya berantem mulu.. :D

oh ya sedikit nyentil squad German aaahh... kalo diliat dari umur rata2 mereka yang masih 20 something, saya yakin performa mereka di Euro 2012 akan jauh lebih baik. bibit2 unggul yang sudah ada di Schweini, Ozil, Khedira, Kroos, dll yang skarang ada di squad, 2-4th lagi pasti sudah ranum, tinggal petik aja, hahaha.. hopefully so and may God bless der Nationalmannschaft *praying*

PS: setelah dibaca ulang, koq sedikit nggak sistematis ya ini postingan.. nggak bisa fokus sih waktu ngetik *efekkalahnyaGermansemalemmasihbelomilang* yaks!!! =))

---update: udah nonton re-run match'nya, and still glad they're doing it wonderfully

*runnie - waiting for the G's last match in WC'10*

Pekerjaan Rumah

2010-07-01T19:34:00.008+07:00

kmaren abis kelar kunjungan 5hr ke Jkt, pulang2 bawa PR. yang satu emang 'dikasi' PR, yang satunya lagi 'hibah' PR ke diri sendiri (doh). nih dia PR2nya....

--PR pertama dateng dari Eddy...
dapet rejeki ngabisin ginian. kmaren sebenernya hampir punya partner ngabisin, sayang Shelila lagi on diet, trus om Lorenzo'nya bilang kalo coklatnya bikin batuk. jadi ya wes, dari sekian banyak ini, kalong cuma berapa biji gitu, sisanya saya bawa pulang ke Bdg dan saya hajar sendiri, hahaha... eh nggak jugak dink, saya bagi2 koq ke tetangga sebelah yg sama2 coklatlover, tapi cuma beberapa keping doank *medit mode ON*. ya secara kalo saya dapetnya coklat kelasan SilverQueen yg di Alfamart sebelah juga ada, tak kasik sak wareg tur mbledhose wethenge. lah tapi berhubung ini coklat dateng dari juauh, jadinya di hemat, hahaha... *katrok*

suka deh kalo punya temen gini, gak doyan sama coklat yg terlalu manis. jadi sering dapet lungsuran dari 'keanehan' indera pengecapnya. padahal nih ya kalo dirasa2in juga gak manis2 banget loh itu coklatnya, ya standart lah manisnya coklat. dan rasanya ya coklat. scara kalo dibandingin sama coklat2 produksi negara Arab dan tetangganya sono, ini tuh masih much better. walopun tetep the best chocolate ya coklatnya Europe, hahaha.. *blagu*. tapi serius loh, saya pernah dapet coklat dari Arab, rasanyaaa... gak karuan, pemirsaa (doh). gak jelas itu coklat ato apa. mau dibilang coklat, tapi rasanya nggak kayak coklat. kirain udah expired, tapi pas liat tanggalnya malah masih jauh. haduuuuh.. nightmare lah. but anyway, thank you so much buat lungsurannya. sering2 ya nglungsurin yang beginian... tak doain keanehan lidahmu tidak berhenti sampe disini, hahaha.. :)) *tiba2berasagemuk*

--PR kedua dateng dari Kebagusan...

seperti biasa, kalo saya berkunjung ke Jkt yang paling tersiksa itu sebenernya ya Shelila. karena harus menampung saya di kamarnya, hahaha.. belum lagi kalo saya ngerusuhin bin ngabisin makanannya, bertumpuklah kesialannya =))

lagi glimbak-glimbuk, liat ke rak sebelah tempat tidur. ngecek buku, ada yg baru apa ndak. hmm.. dapet nih buku yang 'agak' berad buat saya. soalnya biasanya saya lebih milih baca novel, biarpun itu ceritanya berat. jarang lah buat saya mau baca buku yang bio2an gitu. tapi karena first sight nya ini buku menarik, ya wes saya ijin pinjem. tapi ternyata ini buku bukan punyak dia, tapi punya om Lorenzo. haduuh.. saya ndak biasa nyabut barang orang gitu aja tanpa ijin, gmana nih.. hmmm.. mau SMS ijin ama om Lorenzo, takut saya. iya dia menakutkan. secara dia kloningan dari pembalap merangkap pemain bola profesional, jadi saya harus hati2. daripada salah dikit ntar kenak 'kick-off' atau bisa2 diserempet pakek LarosKid ntar saya. hahahaaa... *aseli saya LEBAY ini, pemirsaaa*. tapi kata Shelila, gpp bawak aja. toh juga om Lorenzo udah kelar bacanya. hmmm.. ok, I took it!!

jadilah saya punya dua PR untuk saya kelarin di Bandung. nih ya padahal 2buku terakhir yang saya beli belum saya finish in, malah udah nyomot buku orang. buku setengah berad lagi. bener2 blagu nih saya, hahaha..

*runnie - enjoying the homework*

as Happy as I am (now)

2010-06-24T23:32:00.005+07:00

apa yang bikin happy? hmmm.. banyak, dan datangnya bertubi2, hahaha.. *lebay*. postingannya kali ini sudah bisa saya pastikan penuh dengan ke-lebay-an atau bahasa kerennya "lebayness", ya scara masih dalam kondisi euphoria yg sedikit absurd, jadi kalo anda2 adalah orang2 dengan tingkat anti-lebay yang cukup tinggi, mending cepetan ngursor ke pojok kanan atas deh, jangan lupa klik tanda X-nya ya, hahahaaaa...

reason pertama, ya jelas karena Germany MENANG di match 3rd. antara hidup mati dan harga diri tuh sebenernya, abis jedag-jedug skalee tau posisi di ujung tanduk gitu. tapi sebenarnya dalam hati, saya tetap yakin apapun yang terjadi nanti saya tetap adalah supporter timnas Germany. pokoknya selama Timnas Garuda belum nyampe ke ajang WorldCup dan gak mungkin juga dia mblusukan ke Euro Cup, saya akan tetap mendukung Germany di dua ajang itu, hahaha... ini pilihan yang sudah saya jatuhkan sejak dulu. dengan alasan yang saya sendiri tidak pernah tau, saya secara membabi buta mendukung tim ini kalo lagi laga di Intl'. ya namanya juga feeling, gak bisa dijelaskan exactly kayak apa rasanya.

puas banget liat German kmaren, dari menit awal deg2annya gak ketulungan. scara match sebelumnya si Enggeres menang 1-0, dan lolos ke babak berikutnya as runner-up. which means, kalo Germany menang, mereka akan ktemu, arghhh... mikirin itu tambah setress saya. apalagi di ujung sebelah sana ada yang sudah ngibar2in bendera perang pakek lambang 'red cross sign', ghrrrrrr.... ~X(. tapi main cantiknya Germany bikin mereka layak jadi juara grup with head up high, hahaha.. ok, enough talking Germany nya ya. next...

kalo yg satu ini kayaknya paling katrok deh. scara mention dibales aja udah jejingkrakan, hahaha.. iya mention saya dibales sama om Bepe. nih gara2 ini nih..

liat kan?!! ini theme chrome baru saya. iseng2 searching new themes, eh malah dapetnya ini. bener2 ketiban duren saya. lah ya gimana nggak seneng kalo dapet something yang identik sama tokoh idola sendiri, duuuuhh.. kasmaran deeeh, hahaha.. knapa saya mengidolakan dan jadi supporternya om Bepe (tapi saya bukan supporter Persija loh), ntar saya siapin postingan khususon yg mbahas tentang om yg satu ini, hihihi..

update (25/06/10)---

dapet panggilan tes di BSM, tambah seneng, biarpun cuma lolos sampe tahap3. hiks, sedih sih sebenernya, soalnya tinggal satu tahap lagi tuh. tapi ya gpp lah, glad had a new experience. yang penting... semangat!! ^____^

*runnie - tetap senang*

my Poppa's Day

2010-06-20T22:02:00.002+07:00

tau nggak kalo hari ini Hari Ayah? saya sendiri baru tau waktu buka Twitter, koq banyak banget tweet'an orang2 pada make "#tentangayah". waktu ngecek kalender plus ngricek ke Google, eh ternyata emang benul ini hari Hari Ayah. buat kamu, udah ngasi selamat hari ayah belum ke bapak/ayah/papa/daddy/whatever him called lah?

papa.. papa tau tak, kalo aku sayang papa? walaupun aku tau betul, sayang ku ini masih belum ada apa2nya kalo dibandingkan sama sayang papa ke aku.
hari ini papa sudah buat aku speechless di depan papa, dan aku benci itu. aku benci ketidak berdayaan ku menyuarakan kata2 yang sudah berusaha dengan susah payah aku rangkai sebelum menekan tombol dial atas no papa.
aku tidak suka jika harus terdiam dan menahan bongkahan perasaan yang menendang memaksa keluar dari dada ku saat aku berhadapan dengan papa.
apalagi kalau sampai mataku juga nggak bisa diajak kompromi, pelan2 tapi pasti membuka kerannya untuk mengucurkan air yang selama ini ditahannya.
papa tau, aku butuh 2hari penuh menyiapkan diri untuk hanya sekedar menelpon papa hari ini. dan ternyata itu nggak cukup pa. nggak cukup!
"halloooo, assalamualaikum.. papaaaa.. ya apa pa, udah enakan? hari ini tadi ngapain aja? gimana kata dokter? papa nurut sama dokter ya.. kalo dokter bilang nggak boleh makan ini-itu, ya jangan dimakan.. sekarang fokus sama sembuhnya papa dulu, yang lain2 urusan belkang"
begitu sempurna kalimat yang sudah aku susun buat papa, yang sudah berulang kali ku peragakan di depan kaca. tapi apa? nggak berguna!!
saat pertama dengar suara papa salam, "salamualaikum, de'..."
ya Tuhaaaaan... begitu mudahnya pertahananku roboh dengan suara itu Tuhan..
suara yang menyambut dengan lemah, terbtaa2, yang penuh kekuatan menahan sakit. dan setelah itu baru aku sadar bahwa setiap kata yang coba diucapkannya tidak dengan mudah dan sertamerta meluncur dengan mulus dari bibirnya. tapi semua itu dilakukannya dengan penuh perjuangan.
Tuhaaaaannn....

dari sekian banyak aral yang coba Tuhan letakkan di jalan saya, ini yang paling besar dan berat. masalah putus cinta jadi terlihat sangat2 amatir dan nggak ada apa2nya kalo dibanding dengan yang satu ini. tapi saya sangat yakin dengan kuasa Tuhan. apapun yang dikehendaki akan terjadi oleh-Nya, pasti sudah melalui proses perhitungan yang jauh lebih sempurna dari yang hanya bisa dikerjakan oleh manusia. Tuhan tau apa yang terbaik buat semua mahluk ciptaan-Nya karena Dia yg Maha Tahu segalanya. semua cobaan diberikan bukan tanpa alasan. dan pasti ada hikmah dibalik semua yang Dia berikan. saya yakin, dan harus yakin akan hal itu.

semoga papa cepat sembuh, cepat ngumpul lagi sama keluarga. pokoknya yang paling penting, papa bisa sembuh, yang lainnya bisa menyusul. ya pa ya... :*

*runnie - miss you Pop*

I'm Blessed

2010-06-17T13:19:00.003+07:00

Tuhan, maafkan saya yang hari ini dan hari2 kemarin sudah bersikap tidak tau berterimakasih.

saat sakit itu menghipnotis hati untuk acuh, dan memaksa mata untuk terpejam dari segala yang Kau tunjukkan, saya telah berlaku tidak adil pada-Mu yang Maha Adil.

betapa tak tau dirinya saya saat dengan berani meneteskan berkah air mata dari-Mu untuk sesuatu yang saat ini baru saya sadari bahwa itu sia2 dan tidak ada apa2nya dibandingkan dengan setiap nikmat-Mu yang terhirup dan terasakan sampai detik ini.

Tuhan, berkat-Mu terlalu berlimpah untuk bisa dikesampingkan dengan luka seperti ini yang sebenarnya pun tidak perlu dirasakan.

lancang sekali saya saat berani menanyakan jalan-Mu dan meragukan terangnya cahaya-Mu.

melangkah memilih jalan berlumpur, padahal telah Kau siapkan jalan untukku meskipun itu berkerikil dan terjal.

terima kasih, Tuhan..

Kau telah meletakkan orang2 yang terbaik yang bisa saya dapatkan sebagai penghiburan dari-Mu dari segala rasa yang tidak perlu dirasakan hati ini.

mereka yang telah bersedia menemani, mendengar, menyimak, dan memeluk saat sesuatu terjadi di luar batas kendali hati.

---------------------------------

PS: I LOVE YOU, my beibs.. :*

*runnie - feel blessed*

Learn to Listen, plis..

2010-06-15T20:45:00.006+07:00

pernah mendengarkan? atau pernah didengarkan? saya yakin, semua pasti pernah mengalami dua hal itu. sama2 pernah didengarkan dan mendengarkan orang lain. tapi kalo menyimak? *saya mengartikan kata listen disini sebagai menyimak, karena kalo hanya diartikan sebagai mendengar saja saya rasa itu belum cukup mengcover maknanya*. saya nggak yakin semua orang punya kemampuan yang cukup untuk menyimak. bukannya saya underestimate, hanya saja itu kenyataan, walaupun kenyataan tersebut belum bisa saya kukuhkan dengan adanya data statistik yang bisa merepresentasikan berapa banyak manusia di bumi ini yang bisa menyimak. dan saya juga disini tidak mengklaim bahwa saya adalah orang yang pandai menyimak. saya mungkin juga sama seperti anda yang masih sama2 belajar bagaimana cara menyimak dengan baik dan lebih baik lagi. bahkan mungkin dengan atau tanpa saya sadari, saya pun terkadang menjadi listener yang buruk bagi orang lain. tapi saya yakin, bahwa nggak ada yang sulit kalo mau berusaha dan belajar. betul?!! --ok, stop mambualnya, let's step to next maze--

hari ini saya mengalami kejadian dimana saya, yang untuk kesekian kalinya, 'merasa' tidak disimak dengan lawan bicara saya. sometimes, kita hanya butuh seseorang untuk mendengar dan menyimak apa yang sedang kita bicarakan, terlebih lagi jika yang dibahas itu masuk dalam kategori 'penting'. jelas donk, siapapun ingin berada di posisi "the-one-who-gets-all-attention" at that time. tapi kalo yang terjadi malah justru sebaliknya? lebih parahnya, udah nggak disimak ini, malah di'counter attack' lagi dengan membicarakan masalah orang lain, yang notabene'nya orang tersebut nggak ada di 'cast' list cerita kita. he/she not even on the 'guest star' list, for God's sake. what should we do then?

pertama --- kita bisa pake jurus 'positive thinking' dengan berpikir.. "ooooh, mungkin masalah kita kali ini kurang genting kali ya, lebih parahan masalahnya si A/B/C. jadi nggak penting lah untuk disimak sampe segitunya sama dia". ok, mari kita tempatkan masalah kita di no urut kesekian dalam daftar "hal-penting-untuk-disimak" lawan bicara kita minggu ini. kita biarkan kejadian tersebut berlalu begitu saja. dan berusahalah untuk (cukup) tau diri dengan kondisi yang ada saat ini, jadi ya memang mungkin sudah seharusnya kita (tidak) mendapat 'perhatian' seperti itu.

kedua --- kontrol dan netralkan emosi kita. ini penting dilakukan untuk menjaga ketertiban dan kenyamanan. kita boleh memilih untuk mengikuti arus lawan bicara kita. kita akan buat diri kita sebagai listener, instead ngarep bahwa si lawan bicara ini lah yang seharusnya menjadi listener buat kita saat itu. ok.. mari kita diam, menyimak dengan ~~separuh~~ hati apa yang dicurhatkan ke kita, sambil sesekali bolehlah kita jawab pertanyaan "lu denger nggak sih gw ngomong ini??", dengan jawaban mantab "iya, ini juga lagi didengerin koq, sok atuh diterusin". apa itu cukup? belum. karena terkadang, bahkan kemungkinan besar yang sering terjadi adalah selain listener, kita juga bisa didapuk jadi advisor sama dia. dimana tugas ~~mulia~~ kita adalah, memberi masukan, bahkan kalo perlu kita juga yg jadi algojo untuk menyelesaikan masalah yang dicurhatkan itu ke kita. terbalik?!! ya gitu lah resikonya kalo ngikutin arus (LOL)

ketiga --- saat mulai merasa gerah dengan persoalan yang dicurhatkan, kita bisa memulai 'pemberontakan' kecil2an. menolak mendengarkan dengan alasan, "gak ada cerita yang lain ya? dari dulu koq yang diceritain isinya orang2 ituu mulu, trus masalahnya juga itu2 mulu", sebagai alasan tunggal bukan hal yang buruk. tapi kita harus siap2 dan harus terima jika nanti akan dikatai kurang ajar. [tapi demi Tuhan, kita bosan!! ya kan?!] sudah cukup selama ini kita menerima 'sampah' yang dijejalkan secara brutal ke dalam hidup kita. coba pikir lagi, apa untungnya semua itu buat kita? nothing!! selain hanya akan menambah kesadaran kita, bahwa kita memang bukan orang penting disini.

keempat --- kita coba mengambil jalan lain. kali ini kita diam, not responding, bahkan boleh dibilang kita berpura2 mendengarkan dan menyimak. namun sebenarnya kita berniat ~~busuk~~ untuk memilih tidak mengikuti jalan cerita. ibaratnya kalo nonton bioskop itu ya cuma absen hadir doank, giliran filmnya udah mulai, ditinggal tidur. toh kita tidak akan ketinggalan apa2, karena kita sudah sangat hapal dengan jalan ceritanya. bahkan isi dialognya pun serasa sudah ada di luar kepala kita. ya kan? coba sekarang ngacung deh yang masih belom hapal sama ceritanya? do you think it's a bit harsh? i dont think so, it is too harsh. =))

kelima --- kali ini harus kita putuskan untuk tidak harus merasakan apa2. we'll numb for a while. yeah, i think it's better, finally much better.

keenam --- ketika 'numb' pun sudah tidak mumpuni lagi untuk dijadikan sebuah pilihan, maka senjata terakhir yang bisa kita keluarkan adalah hanya air mata.

------------------------------

iya, saya memang menangis setelah pem'bullshit'an bertahap yang saya usahakan terhadap diri saya sendiri ternyata tidak membuahkan hasil apa2. saya menangis untuk sesuatu yang absurd, yang saya sendiri susah untuk menjelaskan bagaimana rasanya. bosan, karena sudah terlalu lama merasa seperti ini. kecewa, karena sudah sangat sering kali terjadi. sakit, tersisih, nggak penting, di-"who the hell are you?!"-kan, bingung, bahkan cemburu, arghhh... over and over again saya bertanya, apa saya berlebihan bersikap dan merasa seperti ini?!! apa salah saya? apa yang sudah pernah saya lakukan sampe2 perhatian pun serasa tidak layak saya dapatkan? kalaupun saya pernah bersalah, tolong beri tau saya, sefatal apa kesalahan saya. apa yang harus saya perbuat untuk menebus kesalahan saya?

all i need is just to be listened and heard, for once.

karena saya sudah terlalu muak dengan ketidakmandirian mereka. iya mereka, pihak2 yang sudah menginterupsi hidup saya dengan segala ketidakpentingan urusannya. yang sudah menyita perhatian lawan bicara saya untuk keseribu kalinya. hanya karena mereka tidak bisa mandiri dan mengurus hidup mereka sendiri sampai saat ini. segala urusan harus selalu dibantu, segala masalah harus selalu back-up. c'mon.. you're already grown-up man. dont you shame on yourself?!!!

seperti layaknya prioritas list, skala atau levelnya akan berubah jika prioritas diatasnya sudah terlampaui. juga sama seperti algoritma, satu task tidak akan sampai ke titik END kalo masih ribet di part pilihan or any other part. katakanlah dalam posisi saya, seperti ini, saya ada di prioritas no.4 dari daftar. saya tidak akan pernah bisa sampai di prioritas no.1 jika prioritas no.1-3 ini tidak 'dibereskan', tidak 'disingkirkan' terlebih dahulu. am i right?? jadi selama no.1-3 ini masih gak bisa 'dienyahkan' dari daftar, ya selamanya saya akan berada dibawah mereka. malah kemungkinan saya justru akan merosot jadi no. kesekian, then suddenly forgotten.

saya TIDAK meminta untuk berada di posisi no.1, yang saya minta cuma: TOLONG DENGARKAN DAN SIMAK SAYA, SEKALI SAJA. hanya saya, jangan lagi ada orang lain. saya tidak meminta untuk selalu diperhatikan, selalu dibantu ini-itu, selalu ditopang, selalu segalanya. tidak, bukan itu yang saya mau dan bukan itu pula yang saya butuhkan. karena saya sadar, Tuhan tidak menciptakan saya untuk menjadi seperti itu. beratkan permintaan saya?

Jika anda tidak bisa hidup dalam kemandirian serta tidak dapat berdiri untuk menopang hidup anda sendiri, maka secara langsung maupun tidak, anda telah MENGGANGGU dan MERUSAK pola serta ritme kehidupan orang lain di sekitar anda.

dengarkan saya!!! yes, i'm definitely talking to you!!!

*runnie - angrily disappointed*

look tru my eye(s) LOL

2010-06-12T19:30:00.009+07:00

i woke up this morning with this eye. --i just watched the video once, and see what i got now?!! arghh-- im not trying to put any make-up to my eye, that color wasn't from the pinky eye-shadow, you idiot!! dammit!! i dont know what it called in English, but for Javanese it called 'timbilen' or 'bintitan', hahaha.. but im not really sure this is timbilen. i didnt know what happen exactly. but it's itchy at first, a bit. then later i know it hurts. i feel like a finger touched it constantly and make it worse. warm going to hot. pale going to pink. and it successfully makes me feel uncomfortable. i've been like this bfore, but not this worst. it's too big, that i cant almost open my eyes. now i'm looking for the pirates' black eyed-cover (LOL).

My Lord still bless me. one of my friend gave me the "GENTAMICIN 0.3%" from Cendo. it's an ointment actually, a bit sticky and transparent form. it packed in tube about 3.5g each,very tiny. but i hope it's good enough to reduce the puffy.

indication: highly effective in the tropical treatment of bacterial infection of the eyes, primary pseudomonas aeruginosa. ---> i heck know nothing about the last part (LOL)

just apply it to your eyes, especially to the effected area, in or just near. you can use it 3-4 times a day. but i already used it more than that, hahaha.. honestly, i can't bare the pain. so i applying it as much as i can to my eye. if you have the same problem with mine, i guess it's worth to try it. although i cant say my eye is better now, but i know it will works. have a try... i'll catch up to you later. :D

*runnie - didnt notice my face full of hair :|*

GBK 30 Mei 2010

2010-06-01T23:08:00.001+07:00

hal yang berbeda, sangat jauh berbeda dari perjalanan pulang (Mlg-Bdg) saya kemaren dan kontras saya rasakan ketika sudah memasuki gerbang Jakarta. iring2an kendaraan, bis-metromini-angkot dan lain2 yg masih masuk kategori kendaraan sudah mulai sliweran dengan mayoritas atribut TheJack menempel di badan mereka. khawatir dan takut lagi2 mulai merayapi diri saya. sampai saat memasuki gerbang Senayan, ketakutan itu semakin menjadi2. was2.. nervous.. scared.. semua campur aduk di perut saya. ada begitu banyak manusia yang sudah memadati pintu masuk utama GBK, padahal waktu itu masih jam 1 siang, sementara jadwal mainnya adalah jam 3.30. buset!! apa2an nih.. analisa kacangan saya waktu itu hanya satu, kalo saya berharap bisa masuk dengan selamat ke dalam, saya TIDAK boleh sampai terjatuh. JATUH = MATI, dalam kondisi kayak gitu, itu bukan sesuatu yang mustahil terjadi saat ini. mendadak seperti ada sesuatu yang menonjok dan membuat perut saya mual mulas dan nggak karuan rasanya. panasnya udara Jakarta semakin memperburuk kondisi saya. untung saat itu saya bersama teman2 saya (Shelila, MJ, Dhana, Akbar, plus om Yogi *LOL*), jadi masih ada yg dijadikan pelarian becandaan, hopefully could make me stress-less *padahal raine wes plengeh, pasrah, awake wes kmringet, dodone jedag-jedug ae ket mau* hahaha.. =))

melihat kondisi pintu gerbang yang mulai dipadati supporter seperti itu, dalam hati saya mempertanyakan keputusan saya datang ke tempat itu. apa ini keputusan yang benar? apa nggak lebih baik saya balik kanan bubar jalan, trus duduk manis nonton di rumah aja? apa saya yakin mau desak2an hanya demi masuk ke stadion yang bahkan didalamnya sendiri saya nggak yakin gimana keadaannya? ok, take a deep breath.... inhale.. exhale.. *norak*. saya sudah kepalang tanggung untuk mundur, jauh2 saya dari Malang trus ke Bandung dan akhirnya nyampe disini sekarang, masa hanya karna saya sulit menaklukan ketakutan saya terhadap 'crowd' trus saya ciut dan pulang gitu aja sih. NGGAK!! lagian saya mencoba kembali ke niat awal saya ingin datang ke Senayan. saya ingin menjadi saksi keperkasaan Singa2 Malang melumat Macan2 Kemayoran. then i had my head up high. i talk to myself: 'you have nothing to worry about, they're all your brothers and sisters.. why are you so scared with your own folks? just pull yourself together, idiot!!! move your ass!!' :))

Bismillah.. dengan posisi Shelila di depan saya dan Dhana di belakang saya saat mengantri masuk stadion, paling tidak saya sedikit merasa protected, hahaha.. kami mencari jalan masuk yang 'teraman', teraman disini jangan dibayangkan sebagai sebuah entry gate stadion yang bisa dilewati kucing dengan mudah, which means.. kucing aja yg kecil mau masuk lewat situ susyaaah, apa lagi manusia #-o. desek2an udah pasti, jongkrok2an apalagi. tapi Alhamdulillah, kejadiannya nggak seburuk bayangan saya sebelumnya. and then...

kami dapat kursi di tribun sebelah selatan, hampir persis di belakang gawang. poto diatas diambil sekitar jam 1an, dengan kondisi baru sekitar 75%an dari tribun bawah yang terisi, sedangkan tribun atas masih kosong. separuh dari tribun bawah itu sudah terisi sama Aremania/nita, sedangkan separuhnya lagi adalah jatahnya TheJack. saya sempat sedikit kecewa, karena kondisi ini tidak seperti yang saya bayangkan. saya mengira bahwa stadion ini akan penuh sesak. saya sempat bilang ke shelila, "koq nggak penuh sih stadionnya? TheJack'nya mana, koq cuma dikit gitu?". tapi nggak lama dari itu, tiba2 kayak tsunami manusia, GBK langsung penuh tribun atas-bawah. gilak!! crowded banget waktu itu. dan reaksi saya cuma bisa cengok dan mbatin, 'masyaAllah.. ini manusia segini banyaknya dateng mana aja sih?'

ajaibnya, setelah ada di dalam stadion, justru saya nggak ngerasain rasa takut sama sekali. saya nggak tau ada faktor apa yang mempengaruhi, apa mungkin terbawa euphoria, atau perasaan seperti di rumah sendiri dengan begitu banyaknya orang Malang disitu, atau apa saya nggak tau. dan sejujurnya saya juga sudah tidak peduli waktu itu. yang saya rasakan hanya gembira, takjub, dan semangat yang luar biasa untuk menonton pertandingan beberapa saat lagi. nyanyian demi nyanyian secara spontan ikut saya suarakan dengan lantang. berbagai gerakan atraksi supporter khas Aremania juga ikut saya rasakan. benar2 ajaib perasaan saya waktu itu.

waktu NAS dijegal diluar kotak P, saya bilang, kalo ini pasti jatahnya Esteban. karena menurut saya, dia adalah eksekutor set-piece paling yahud di skuad selain Ridhuan. dan benar apa kata saya! cukup 1 sentuhan tendangan set-piece dari luar kotak, mampu mengubah angka di papan skor, 1-0 for Arema. dada saya serasa mau pecah waktu itu. benar2 ajaib! atmosfer kemenangan benar2 membalut GBK dengan rapat, sampai terasa sesak di dada saya. kalau saat itu dada saya tidak dipagari rusuk, mungkin hati saya sudah mencelat jauh ke tengah lapangan saking senangnya, hahaha.. *lebay*. satu gol lagi dari penaltynya 'Papa' membuat papan skor lagi2 mengganti angkanya jadi 2-0. semua Aremania/nita bersorak kegilaan, nyanyi terus2an, jingkrak2 gak karuan. terima kasih buat insinyur dan tukang2 yg udah mbangun GBK, ternyata kuat jugak nampung puluhan ribu orang jejingkrakkan bareng kayak gitu. saluteee...!!

yang lucu ya waktu Bepe mbales njebol gawangnya Arema. personally, saya suka sama Bepe, dia pemain timnas yang dari dulu saya jagokan. kalaupun saya nonton siaran langsung pertandingannya Persija di TV, itu cuma karena pengen liat Bepe main doank, hahaha... *manthabs!*. iya saya pendukung Arema, dan benar saya bukan supporter Persija, tapi waktu Bepe bikin goal, saya nggak peduli, saya malah ngikutan sorak2 nyelametin Bepe. bcoz i think he worth that goal, terlepas dari itu offside apa nggak dimata penonton, toh waktu itu di mata wasit, sah. :D

saya pikir 2 goal dengan balesan 1 aja udah cukup, toh sebenernya tanpa meraih poin penuh hari pertandingan ini pun kami sudah pasti ngangkat trophy, tapi ternyata saya salah besar pemirsaa.. justru Singa2 itu masih lapar, bahkan sangat lapar untuk ngeroyok gawangnya Yasir. mana posisi gawang dia pas banget lagi, pas di depan supporternya sendiri, dan sangat pas untuk membungkam TheJack kalo si Singa2 itu bisa menghancurkan si Yasir. harus 3 kali lagi TheJack 'dibungkam' paksa oleh Aremania yang terpuaskan oleh tambahan 2 goal Roman, plus 1 goal dari NAS. PERFECT!!! 5-1 for AREMA INDONESIA, hahahaaaa...

kami AREMA..

SALAM SATU JIWA..

di Indonesia..

kan slalu ada..

slalu bersama..

untuk kemenangan..

kami A-R-E-M-A..

thanks my Lord.. saya yakin bukan cuma kami yang ada di GBK saja yang bergembira dan penuh suka cita saat itu. saya hanya satu jiwa diantara ratusan ribu bahkan mungkin jutaan jiwa yang sedang larut dalam euphoria kegembiraan yang sama seperti yang kami rasakan. GBK sudah menjadi venue yang SEMPURNA untuk pertandingan yang SEMPURNA, dengan skor akhir yang SEMPURNA untuk AREMA INDONESIA!!!

Half an hour to kick-off. Tribun atasnya belum pada penuh.

PS: ayo, next kita nonton Arema vs sapa lagi nih? hmm.. nonton Timnas juga boleeehh.. hahaha.. *gak mau kapok nonton bola di stadion*

*runnie - unforgettable wonderful moment*

GBK.. Persija vs Arema --what the HELL i was thinking?!!

2010-05-31T20:20:00.003+07:00

itu kali pertama saya menonton pertandingan sepakbola langsung di tempatnya... (LOL) *katrok nggak siiiiih..

berawal dari arogansi saya yang menyebut diri saya sendiri sebagai Arema, walaupun kenyataannya saya tidak terlahir di Bhumi Arema dan hanya bermodal 'sumbangan' darah dan daging dari mama saya yang adalah Arema asli. tapi sepertinya kentalnya darah Arema mama lah yang mendominasi dalam diri saya. hal itu tak luput mempengaruhi interest saya terhadap satu FC yang kalo boleh saya bilang, FC itu sendiri di tanah Malang sudah menjadi seperti religi yang membius dan menjaring begitu banyak orang untuk bisa dengan bangga melantangkan suaranya dengan menyebut diri sebagai Aremania/nita, tak terkecuali saya. walaupun saat itu saya tidak terlalu tau menau tentang seluk beluk si FC itu tadi, namun atmosfer yang membungkus rapat kota Malang sendiri hanya sekian persen yang mengandung oksigen, selebihnya adalah atribut dan segala tetek-bengek yang berbau si FC ini, dan itu mau tidak mau juga 'meracuni' saya pada akhirnya.

FC itu tidak lain dan tidak bukan, the one and only adalah AREMA INDONESIA (dulu Arema Malang). memang, saya baru intens mengikuti perlembangan FC ini setelah hampir paruh ke-2 musim ini, saat suasana klasemen puncak sudah terlanjur panas, antara juara bertahan Persipura, Persiba, dan untungnya Arema waktu itu sedang on-fire jadi tahta sementara masih bisa digagahi oleh Arema. tapi sebagai penonton bola, siapa yang berani menutup mata untuk kekuatan dari ujung timur Indonesia itu. semua pasti setuju dengan saya, kalo mereka adalah tim yang wahid. namun itu tidak membuat kami (Aremania/nita) menyudahi doa kami untuk Arema, hahahaaaa....

pertengahan Maret tanpa sengaja saya menemukan koran yang mem'breakdown sisa jadwal Arema sampai akhir kompetisi. waktu melihat ada nama Persija di barisan jadwal paling bawah yaitu tepat untul laga tanggal 30 Mei 2010, serta merta (bener2 nggak pake mikir) saya langsung ngambil hp trus sms teman saya Dhana dengan niat basa basi bertanya apa dia nanti bakal nonton match itu, walaupun saat itu saya yakin 100% kalo dia pasti nonton, gak mungkin nggak *pede*, hahaha.. dan saya bilang, kalo saya booking 1 tiket kelas apa aja, pokoknya tiket Persija vs Arema tgl 30 itu. sampai saat itu saya masih tidak berpikir 'sehat', kalo bahasa jawanya mungkin saat itu saya menghantam kromo segala kemungkinan yang bisa terjadi, baik atau buruk sekalipun. tidak pernah terpikir oleh saya tentang prestisnya laga tersebut untuk kedua tim.

semakin mendekati hari H, ketakutan mulai menghampiri dan mengkonsumsi nyali saya perlahan. yang tadinya saya tidak mempertimbangkan apapun, sekarang serangan kemungkinan datang bertubi2. baru terpikir oleh saya tentang bagaimana maniak dan fanatiknya supporter kedua tim ini. saya sama sekali tidak bisa membayangkan apa yang akan terjadi jika ada salah satu oknum saja yang membuat 'gara2' nanti disana. dalam hati saya mengutuk diri sendiri, what the hell i was thinking?!!! ok, saya berusaha menenangkan diri saya, saya mulai mencari referensi2 tentang tipikal 2 supporter ini, dos or don'ts nya. karena saya bukan peminat sepakbola stadion sebelumnya (hanya sebatas layar kaca), jadi saya tidak tau banyak tentang 'behavior' menonton sepakbola langsung di stadion. namun dari referensi yang saya dapatkan, banyak yang mengatakan kalo intinya TheJack dan Aremania itu bolo, bukan musuh bebuyutan, jadi kemungkinan untuk terjadi bentrokan itu kecil. dari situ saya mulai tenang.

masalah datang lagi ketika saya akhirnya sadar dengan sepenuhnya bahwa nanti saya akan menonton laga itu di Senayan, iya SENAYAN yang itu pemirsaaaaa.... stadion dengan kapasitas lebih dari 85rb penonton itu yang akan saya datangi. kondisi Malang sendiri saat itu sudah disesaki euphoria kemenangan Arema. --ada yang konvoi sepanjang jalan kota, ada yang sudah siap2 di stasiun untuk berangkat ke Jakarta, ada yang masih sibuk beli atribut jersey dll dsb *termasuk saya*--. karena Arema hanya butuh 1poin untuk bisa mengunci gelar juara ISL musim ini, dan itu menjadi hal yang sangat2 mungkin terjadi saat itu. sampai saat ini, saya masih menyimpan trauma tersendiri dengan yang mananya 'crowd' karena kerusuhan yang sempat saya saksikan waktu dulu saya tinggal di Ambon. dengan memutuskan datang ke Senayan, itu artinya saya akan bertarung dengan diri, nyali, serta ketakutan saya sendiri diantara puluhan ribu orang yang akan menjubelkan dirinya nanti di Senayan. dan itu baru saya sadari. *dumb!!

ok, tiket sudah bisa dipastikan ada di tangan, dan saya memutuskan akan pulang dari Malang ke Bandung hari Jumat, lalu rencananya baru hari minggu siang (sekitar jm 10/11) saya akan naik travel ke Jakarta --walaupun akhirnya saya harus menyerah dan memindah jam keberangkatan ke jam 7 pagi (which means, at least jam 6 dari kosan... adem cuuuurrr!!!)--. saya berangkat meninggalkan Malang bersama ribuan Aremania/nita yang juga bergegas meninggalkan kota ini untuk tujuan yang (akan) sama, yaitu Senayan. Malang-Bandung terlewati dengan suasana sepi, sepanjang jalan saya merasa benar2 lengang, mungkin saat itu ada pengaruh dari suasana hati saya sendiri yang kurang baik, sehingga kondisinya menjadi semakin mellow.

then... sayonara Malang... GBK i'm coming...!!!! *dance2*

*runnie - really have no idea what come next*

The 'he-who-must-be-remain-unnamed'

2010-05-18T20:16:00.002+07:00

hmm.. where do i start it? damn!! :">

it’s been along time since the first time I saw you, but this view months lately I can tell that this feeling tells me that it's getting closer and better. many things have changed, and so did you. what more can I say then. you’re not a boy anymore. you’re a grown-up man now . you’re naturally much more mature and I desperately loved it!! unbelievable!! *i’m out of words now, hahaha…

you make me constantly checking my watch and never leave my hp behind. no facebook, no ym, no problem at all. as long as you’re around, even though it’s no longer than 2 hours sometimes, but it’s more than enough. what I can’t handle is this smile, it won’t goes away. arghhhhh…*dem!!

If I can ask just one thing, that would be “please.. stop ‘teasing’ me, you.. my prince charming” :x

*runnie - melt down*

Angels Brought Me Here

2010-04-21T14:40:00.003+07:00

by Guy Sebastian

It's been a long and winding journey
but I'm finally here tonight
picking up the pieces
walking back into the light
into the sunset of your glory
where my heart and future lies
there's nothing like that feeling
when i look into your eyes

My dreams came true
when i found you
i found you, my miracle...

If you could see what i see
that you're the answer to my prayers
and if you could feel the tenderness i feel
you would know it would be clear
that angels brought me here...

Standing here before you
feels like I've been born again
every breath is your love
every heartbeat speaks your name

My dreams came true
right here in front of you
my miracle...

If you could see what i see
that you're the answer to my prayers
and if you could feel the tenderness i feel
you would know it would be clear
that angels brought me here...

Brought me here to be with you
I'll be forever grateful
oh forever faithful
my dreams came true
when I found you
My miracle...

If you could see what i see
that you're the answer to my prayers
and if you could feel the tenderness i feel
you would know it would be clear
that angels brought me here...

Yes they brought me here...
If you could feel the tenderness i feel...
you would know it would be clear...
that angels brought me here...

*runnie - angels brought you here too*

mimpi (lagi)

2010-04-19T16:15:00.002+07:00

entah udah kali keberapa saya mimpi tentang orang yang sama. sebelumnya saya tidak pernah merasa setakut ini saat bangun dari mimpi. tapi tadi berbeda, jelas ketakutan yang saya rasakan setelah semua terpampang seperti putaran film di layar bioskop, sangat jelas dan (seperti) nyata. ya Allaaah.. apa ini artinya?

kalo diinget2 sett'nya sih, kayak lagi di Galasesa, scara hampir smua orang yang saya kenal dari masa STM saya dulu, ada di situ, plus ya ybs sendiri pastinya. susah kalo mau saya inget2 lagi detailnya. karena terlalu takut untuk mengingat akhir dari putaran filmnya. arghhhh...

my Lord.. i cant bear this for more. too hard and even hurter to imagine that would happened. im begging You, please gimme Your clue to what will happen. Lord, i know that Your will is my command, but just hear me for a sec.. keep him safe forever always, Lord. he's my life, and my everything. knowing him safe and all right is just ok for me. maybe that's what i need the most now. would You hear my pray, Lord..... pleaseee.....

*runnie - it's just one bad dream (not more)*

the trouble is...

2010-04-15T17:11:00.002+07:00

masalah ternyata lebih dari yang pernah saya pikirkan sebelumnya. sometimes terlalu mudah untuk diraih, tapi most times terlalu sulit untuk dilepas. masalah yang membelitkan dirinya dalam selubung tak kasat mata pada kita, atau justru sesungguhnya diri kita sendiri lah yang dengan 'rela' dan tangan terbuka membenamkan muka dalam lumpur ke-masalah-an yang ada. rumit, setengah sulit, dan berbelit ~~seperti sembelit~~. tapi ini hidup yang nggak gratis, yang terkadang harus dibarter dengan masalah. dunia punya masalah, kita punya hidup. kita ingin 'numpang' hidup di dunia, ada harga yg ditawarkan yaitu masalah.

if you want it, then take it, else leave it. so easy as it said. but in the real 'jungle' like where we live now there's no word as 'easy', bro. hahahaaa... it cracks me up to death now =)) *nuts!*. yeah, everybody has their own problems. like you, you and maybe you too. but like what people out there say, life must go on no matter you like it or not, with or without its problems ~~[almost always with its problems, of course]~~.

*runnie - i have (NO) problem*

where are thou?

2010-04-01T20:17:00.002+07:00

ok, let's move to the next ~~boring~~ story, LOL..

nih ya, udah brapa hari ini nih, ane kesel!! my BB hilang dari peredaran. padahal kan itu penyuntik semangat terbesar buat ane sekarang2 ini. mana udah nganggur abis gini lagi. tambah nglantur kmana2 deh pikirannya. mbenceknoooo..!! [-(

yeah, i lost my 'spirit' and spirit. i dont know where does it go, nor when it'll back. it's hard to focus when i dont know where to find you. you kept me on track. cmon, just come back, ok?! i deathly need you right now (and at least for another couple months :D). dont you just tired to show up a minute and dissappear again, and again??

shit!! dont play me for a fool. you know, i want and need you. baby, just come back.. dont you leave me this long. i cant help any longer than this. you kill me if you did that!!!

sumpe, kalo gini terus bisa ngengek ane. oooiiii... ente kmane sih?!! cepetan balik lah oiii.. luv2 :X

*runnie - come home, baby..*

mendadak kangen

2010-03-29T14:20:00.004+07:00

ini posting niatnya ditulis tadi2, pas lagi mellow2nya. tapi gak jadi, mengantisipasi kadar ke'lebay'an yg mungkin terjadi. akhirnya demi kemaslahatan umat, diputuskan sekarang lah saat yang lebih tepat untuk menulis dan menumplekkan segala kerinduan di hati yang terpendam sejak lama.... *tetep aja lebay, dem!! :))

memang berapa waktu belakangan ini, sosok yang dulu pernah mengisi hari2 ane ama canda plus tawa, mendadak hadir lagi, ya meskipun hanya sebatas bayang2 dan imaji aja. awalnya, waktu ada acara reunian keluarga besar dari buyut ane. nah kalo pas acara kayak gitu kan smua pada ngumpul tuh. yg dari sononya kaga pernah kenal, ya boro2 kenal, ktemu aja kaga pernah, barusan kmaren dah tuh ktemuan. shock donk pas liat pake mata ndiri ada sepupu punya muka mirip abis sama dia. bukannya malah nikmatin acara, eh malah setres ndiri ane. mana itu anak ngider deket2 tempat ane lagi, busyet tambah peniiing. jujur ane pushink, scara nih ya smua2 jadi kayak ng'flashback gitu memorinya. sesiangan ane nyusur venue acara kmaren, sgitu juga seringnya ane ktemu ama itu bocah. mau diliat apa dipelototin dari sisi mana2 aja, tetep mirip ama dia. apalagi kan ane taunya dia cuma dalam kondisi diem, ya bisa dibilang in-flat-emotion, jadi miripnya tambah2 parah. udah kesiksa seharian gitu, ternyata malemnya pas kluarga besar ane ada acara bakar2, itu keluarganya dia juga pada dateng. masyaAllah... setres dobel ane!! belom cukup ye 'nyiksa' sesiangan tadi, eh dilanjut ampe malem, arghhhh....

itu baru pertama, ane kira kan udah kelar ya, eh ternyata berapa minggu berikutnya dokumentasi poto2 dari acara ntuh udah disebar, dan dapetlah ane satu kopianya. ya Allaaaah.. ada poto itu orang yang aseli mirip banget. tapi kalo diliat2 gitu, mayan cakep juga. padahal kan yang aselinya sono jelek gilak!! hahahahaaaa...

nah kalo hari ini tadi ane brasa mellow, jelasnya ya pas skarang gini ini deh butuh temen ngobrol yg klop, gokil, sarap, sedeng, yg bisa bikin ngakak gak abis2, yang kadang bikin ane ngrasa kalo life is easy as it is. kalo udah gitu, rasanya nyesek, trus ujung2nya mesti muncul pertanyaan setan "why?!". ya why yang ini lah, why yang itu lah #-o

ok, seriously... i cant and (maybe) wont deny that you're my very best buddy ever. it's hurting me bad when i know and realize that you're gone forever from my whole world. and the worst part was i just like stand and stare with nothing. just let you passed like that. i never like the way we done it, but even until now, i still cant picture at least one single way how to done it better. i'm hurting, you know... and it seems like i just let my wound wide open, which make it hurter. i dont know how you deal with all of this shit. sometimes it's ('lil) hard to convince my self that you felt the same way as i am. all i know is i've lost you....

it's hard to say goodbye, when you know when you'll go. and it's getting harder,
when you know that you must go without having one chance to say it better way.

*runnie - still miss your presence (sometime)*

valuing life

2010-03-25T11:36:00.002+07:00

the first question that came to my mind was 'how am i gonna valuing my life with?'. with appearence of one big house? or fancy car? nice suits? or what??!!! that's one big question for me, because sometimes i lost my track on life, and it's going overated too. i want this, i want that, but when it comes to none, it's just slapping me back in the end. unconsciously, sometimes i look over my hedge where i found that it more greener there. then i look back mine, and cursing myself with 'why?!-thing'. arghhh... what an ungrateful me!! but i believe that life is all about live and learn. risk and gain. but most important for me is learn. how can i live my life without learning? if i wanna be able to walk, i must learn how to crawl. if i wanna be good in speak, i must learn how to spell.. word by word. and so if i wanna get good value of my life, i must learn how to live. what for? let's say for the sake of my own life. it's not as easy as i thought. but some says, 'no gain, no pain', so i just let it that be. it takes too many effort to make it works. maybe it's too early to say that i've already done it. but i hope it doesnt stop me here.

i watched "pay it forward" the other day. it's really good movie, mean full, with a simple cover but deep essential. i like this kind of movie. they make us very easy to understand a simply-tinny-little things in this life that have so much value, weather we realize it or not (which mostly we dont), to be as applicable as it is. sometimes i felt like it just slapped me right through my face when i found my self grumbling about something that i can't get enough of. but i think it's good to feel that way, bcoz i can back down to my earth, to where i should belong. ^__^

yesterday i read news about a guy who giving 10 bugs everyday to one/more random person he met (mostly one person each day). he called it as "one year of giving" on his life. [you can check it through his own blog here] it's about 90 something days passed, and which means he already gave a thousand bugs now to others he never ever known before. nice story i think.

for me, he's just one among those thousands or maybe millions people out there who has at least one willingness to give. he presents that a 'will to give' could be very simple and easier to be delivered to people all around us.what a one high-valued and precious will... :X

*runnie - wanna be a part of those million people ^_^*

what a strange dream

2010-03-12T16:28:00.004+07:00

yeah, i got a dream about you last night. that's not the first time i had this kinda dream, but i think it's the second. i can tell it's strange bcoz, it's like a movie, one big flashback scene of the last story about me and you in the very past world. darn it!!!!

i woke up this morning with one lil-big-question (LOL), what was i thinking?!! i know i was care about you, but that's not a quite reason to had a dream like that. i can deny that after that, the feel came back to remain me again.

i had a good time, a very good time, with you. i had much more laughs and jokes to spit up with you. i had some evening spent watched the sun went down with you. we've mocking each other frontally often... but, i've cried more about one horrible mistake you've made that effect me terribly.

but it was so looong time a go, many years a go. now, the time has passed and i gotta move on with my life. there's no such thing like wonders and dreaming in the daylight about those passed years. that won't be happen again. it's done!! all done!!

*runnie - i'm done!!*

i'm bored

2010-02-19T15:01:00.003+07:00

why? that's one good question to asked. i have so many reasons for that. i thought it'll be fun being here for as long as i can. but, on second thought, it's not. hahaha... *damnit!!* i've been here for month now, but it feels so looooong.

first, i lost my 24/7 internet connection.
second, i have nothing to do after my office hour.
third, have no easy 'pick-and-go' friend to go to movie like ussual.
fourth, all my jobs are almost done.
fifth, last but not least, i have NO money!!!

who says that 'no money, no cry'?!!! *idiot!* it's clearly pathetic! arghhh... can't go anywhere. feel so unforgivable limited, hahaha.. *lebay*

*runnie - deathly bored*

"You Can"

2010-01-19T01:02:00.002+07:00

by David Archuleta

Take me where I've never been

help me on my feet again

show me that good things come to those who wait

tell me I'm not on my own

tell me I won't be alone

tell me what I'm feelin' isn't some mistake

'cause if anyone can make me fall in love

you can...

Save me from myself

you can...

and it's you and no one else

if I could wish upon tomorrow

tonight would never end

if you asked me, I would follow

but for now, I just pretend

'cause if anyone can make me fall in love

you can...

Baby, when you look at me

tell me, what do you see?

are these the eyes of someone you could love?

'cause everything that brought me here

well, now it all seems so clear

baby, you're the one that I've been dreamin' of

'cause if anyone can make me fall in love

you can...

Save me from myself

you can...

and it's you and no one else

if I could wish upon tomorrow

tonight would never end

if you asked me, I would follow

but for now, I just pretend

'cause if anyone can make me fall in love

Only you can take me sailin' in your deepest eyes

bring me to my knees and make me cry

and no one's ever done this

everything was just a lie

and I know, yes I know...

This is where it all begins

so tell me it'll never end

I can't fool myself

it's you and no one else

If I could wish upon tomorrow

tonight would never end

if you asked me, I would follow

but for now, I just pretend

'cause if anyone can make me fall in love

you can...

Show me that good things come to those who wait

first of all.. im not crazy!! yes, i solemnly swear that i am totally (in)sane at this point i post this. (LOL) damn it!! if you really know me, maybe now you already laughing me down on the floor. i know, it's David Archuleta's song im talking about here, and i do notice that this is totally a love song. haha.. a LOVE SONG!! i dont know how this song can ruined my life for a few weeks *lie!! exactly i know, but let's pretend that i really know no shit about that*, but it's kind of too-beautiful-to-be-removed from my playlist. actually, i kept this song on my PC for too long. firstly, i just listened to his other songs, like "Crush" and "A Little Too Not Over You" or "My Hands", didnt pay attention to this one until i found that video on youtube.

what i was thinking is you. it's really you. i mean, the whole song is all about how i feel about you. how wonderful you are to me. how kind you've been to me, and so on. why do i need to pretend that from you, if you already knew that yourself? that's enough for me. i know, maybe it sounds a bit freaky and nutty, to know some one could love you most. i just cant fool myself, babe.. :*

*runnie - melting :X*

2010

2010-01-05T00:49:00.004+07:00

tahun ini dibuka dengan harapan penuh untuk kelulusan :)) *amien*

sebenernya saya ndak pernah loh buat2 resolusi2 tahun baru kayak orang2 lain gitu. yg ada resolusi saya tetep, 1280 x 800 *jembaaaarr.. hakhakhak*. karena buat saya, tahun baru itu bukan dimulai dari tanggal 1 januari, tapi akan dimulai dari tanggal 4 oktober setiap tahunnya. kenapa? karena itu tanggal saya berulang tahun, jadi tanggal itulah yang saya pake untuk mematok apa saja yang nantinya ingin saya capai di tahun berikutnya. jadi biasanya rencana dan formula2 yang dibutuhkan pasti sudah ready-to-used sebelum tanggal 4 itu. tanggal 3 dipake untuk me'review apa aja yang udah dicapai selama setahun ini, apa yang kurang, dan apa yang mau ditambah dari pencapaian2 yang sudah2.

menurut saya, gembar-gembor tentang resolusi ini itu di tahun baru itu lebih banyak bullshitnya dari pada jelasnya. scara nih ya, brapa banyak dari anda2 semua yang cuma 'ngikutan' nyusun resolusi tanpa ada realisasi yang berarti, dengan usaha yang pasti? hampir bisa dipastikan, banyaaaakkk...!!! no offense please, but it's one of the reality to be faced of. trus apa fungsinya resolusi donk kalo gitu? mestinya dengan adanya resolusi yang udah disusun itu, bisa jadi tolok ukur untuk usaha yang lebih keras lagi untuk dapet sesuatu yang jauh lebih baik di tiap tahunnya. tapi buktinya, malah banyak yang stuck cuma sgitu2 aja kan? karena apa? ya mungkin karena resolusi yang disusun cuma omong kosong doank. gak ada artinya dan gak ada 'soul'nya.

akan berbeda ceritanya kalo kita punya motivasi tersendiri untuk 'nyundul' resolusi yang udah diomongin tadi. bagi saya, besarnya motivasi itu adalah salah satu katrol terbesar untuk menaikkan resolusi itu ke atas permukaan realisasi. we need more than just another resolution in every year. so, did you already get your motivation yet? :D

*runnie - already had one*

akhir tahun yang menyenangkan ^_^

2009-12-31T20:30:00.002+07:00

knapa? karena ada yang bikin seneng, hahahaaa.. *gak banget sih*. tuh kan, kalo baru di batin aja, eeeeh dateng2 ndiri suaranya. tapi ada yang baru dari conversation kali ini, udah sedikit ada peningkatan di ketebalan mental dan perisai. udah gak gampang keder lagi, ya at least udah getting normal lah ngadepin ybs. udah bisa ngimbangi biarpun porsinya masih dikiiiiit banget, yang penting ada kemajuan, hahahaaa.... *dielem2 dewe*.

it's been 2 hours since i hung up the phone, but you still seems so close to me now. the way you teasing me is really drag me down into something stupid and i could never help it. i know that you know exactly what i feel about you, and i dont regret it at all. indeed, i feel much better. so nothing to hiding for between me and you this day. i cant guarantee you that nothing has been changed since the last time i met you, but one thing i can assure you that it changed into something beautiful than i ever expected before. no matter how hard i try to deny, avoid, and maybe to banish you from my world, at the end you've always found your way back 'here' unexpectedly and of course, surprisingly. im grateful for every moment i've spent, even though it filled me up with tears sometimes, but i couldnt be more stronger than now if i didnt pass it.

my beloved Lord.. there's nothing to say than great thanks to You, and i believe in You..

*runnie - :">*

happy birthday, ma

2009-11-15T00:24:00.003+07:00

hari ini bunda ku berulang tahun...

bunda, terima kasih untuk semua cinta dan jutaan sayang mu, untuk setiap tetes peluh dan air mata dari mu, untuk untaian senyum serta tawa mu. bunda tau nggak, kalo bunda itu the finest chef had ever sent from above loh.. dulu waktu aku kecil, aku masih ingat bagaimana teman2ku membanggakan bekal bawaannya dengan mengatakan "ini belinya di sana looohh..", tapi aku selalu bangga setiap kali aku 'pamer' masakan bunda ke mereka. aku bilang, "ini dimasakin sama bunda ku looooh.." sambil pasang gaya tengil. itu karena apapun yang bunda masak selalu enak, walau sering kalimat itu tak terucap untuk mu. bundaku bunda paling sempurna dengan ketidak sempurnaannya. bunda bisa jadi obat paling mujarab saat tak ada satu pun obat di dunia yg bisa menawarkan rasa sakit ku. bundaku bunda yang tangguh, jauh lebih tangguh dari hanya sekedar seorang wonder-woman. dan jauh lebih kuat dari pada super-mom mana pun yg ada di dunia. kalau aku nakal dan bunda hanya diam saja, bukan berarti dia tidak marah padaku. namun, diamnya itu lah yang menamparku untuk sadar secepatnya bahwa dia terlalu sayang padaku untuk bisa memarahiku apalagi sampai memukulku.

hari ini ibu ku berulang tahun...

ibu, maaf kalau selama ini aku tak bisa membahagiakanmu setiap hari. maaf kalau perkataan dan perbuatanku justru sering membuatmu terluka dan menyungkurkanmu di hadapan-Nya dengan deraian air mata. sampai kapan pun aku tau, seumur hidup kebajikan yang pernah ku perbuat untuk mu sekalipun tak akan pernah setara dan berimbang dengan apa yang telah kau lakukan untuk ku, ibu. maaf untuk segala yang pernah kutuntut darimu untuk hidupku, tanpa pernah ku sadari kalau hidupku sudah lebih dari sempurna dengan adanya hadirmu di sisiku. ibu, luka ku selalu terbaca olehmu, tapi tak pernah kurasakan lukamu mengair di wajah tuamu. ibu, keriput di wajahmu membuatku bertanya, berapa sering lagi kau akan terluka karena ulah ku? oh ibu.. seandainya bisa kutebus segala dosaku padamu, ku ingin kau meneteskan air mata bangga dan bahagia, bukannya luka.

hari ini mama ku berulang tahun...

mama, saat aku tau bahwa ibunya telah berpulang, betapa buruntungnya aku masih memilikimu, masih bisa mendengarkan suaramu, masih bisa menangis bersamamu, masih bisa menatap wajahmu. tak pernah sekalipun kubayangkan lukisan hidupku tanpa mu. ma, apa mama juga merasa beruntung memiliki aku? karena aku merasa begitu sempurna menjadi anakmu. tak ada mama lain yg kuinginkan untuk menjadi mama pengganti dirimu. mereka tidak sebaik mama, mereka tidak sepintar mama, mereka pun tidak secinta mama padaku. what more can i ask from you, mom? for everything that's good on me, i owe to you.

Tuhan, hari ini dia berulang tahun...

54 tahun sudah Kau beri dia napas hidup-Mu. dan telah seumur hidupku pula telah Kau genapkan dengan cintanya. Tuhan, andai aku dapat meminta, tolong bahagiakan dia. selimutkan hatinya dengan cinta dari-Mu. Tuhan, terima kasih telah menjadikan dia wanita yang melahirkan dan mencintaiku. Tuhan, aku tidak ingat pernah memberikan kado ulang tahun untuknya, bisakah ku minta kado itu dari-Mu, ya Tuhan ku? apa yang harus kulakukan untuk bisa memberinya kado surga-Mu, Tuhanku?

PS: selamat ulang tahun to my one and only beloved super-wonder-mom :* :* :*

the pic's taken from here, and edited by runnie

*runnie - i love you, mom*

hati ini siapa yang punya?

2009-11-14T02:04:00.003+07:00

kodho kalo saya dengan bangga dan lantang menyebut bahwa ini hati saya, hati milik saya, hati punya saya. namun, tanpa saya sadari kata2 seperti itu justru sering sangat mudah keluar dari mulut saya. saya mulai bertanya, kalau memang ini hati milik saya, kenapa saya tidak punya kuasa untuk membuatnya merasa apa yg otak saya ingin rasakan?! bagaimana bisa saya memaksa hati ini untuk merasa sesuatu yg tidak saya rasakan? bagaimana juga hati ini bisa saya paksa untuk tidak merasakan apa yg sebenarnya saya rasakan? saya tahu dengan sadar-sesadar2nya kalo hati ini punya Tuhan. hanya Tuhan saya yg memiliki kuasa penuh atas apa yg akan saya rasakan dengan hati ini.

Tuhan punya kuasa yg tiada tara untuk membolak balik hati titipan-Nya, whether you like it or not.

namun kondisinya tidak semudah dan se'simple itu. apa yg dikatakan hati kadang (on me, it's mostly) terdistorsi dengan apa yg diinginkan otak. kata orang, antara hati dan otak, pikiran dan prasaan itu idealnya selalu dalam keadaan seimbang. apa yg kurang dalam hati bisa tergenapi oleh apa yg lebih di otak. tapi untuk mencapai posisi seimbang dan ideal itu bukan suatu hal yg sepele, tapi juga bukan berarti itu hal yg gak mungkin. hanya saja, kemungkinan untuk tetap konsisten di track itu lah yg suilit :D.

jadi inget kata2 ~~mantan~~ teman saya dulu... "eh lu ya, coba skali2 kasi porsi banyakan dikit kek buat itu ati benapas, sian tuh keknya dah megap2".. iya saya tau, kekejaman saya terhadap hati titipan ini belum berakhir, dan mungkin masih akan terus berlanjut. selama bertahun2 saya dengan bangganya 'menindas' hati ini dengan jejalan doktrin dari otak untuk selalu berbuat logis. kali ini saya hampir terhantam mundur oleh ketidak-logisan saya sendiri. saat sesuatu menampar saya dengan keras kali ini, saya jadi mempertanyakan, kemana perginya ke'logisan saya selama ini? ya Tuhan... ada apa ini?!! diri yg selalu membanggakan karena memiliki hati yg keras, kali ini collapse seketika saat Sang Pemilik sudah 'memainkan' string nya. iya betul.. Tuhan kayaknya sudah mulai memainkan peranNya lebih banyak disini. tanpa ampun, Dia dengan mudah membalikkan hati ini just exactly like an ark in the gale.

satu tamparan sudah cukup membuat saya menyadari bahwa ini bukan milik saya. ini hanya titipan buat saya, yang harus saya jaga dengan baik, yang nanti suatu saat akan ada 'inspeksi' dari yg punya dan saya harus menyiapkannya dalam kondisi yg terbaik, dan yang kapanpun bisa diambil sama yg punya dengan atau tanpa pemberitahuan sebelumnya. satu teguran (seharusnya) juga sudah cukup untuk membangunkan saya dari sistem kolonialisme terhadap hati yang selama ini saya terapkan dengan amat rapi. ini bukan milik saya. ini bukan milik saya. ini bukan milik saya....

PS: Tuhan... ijinkan aku menjadi nahkoda untuk hati titipan-Mu.

*runnie - collapse*

take for granted

2009-11-12T15:29:00.001+07:00

this is another 'lesson-to-learn' for me, or maybe for anybody else too. it took so long for me to know what does it mean. and it also hurted me bad when i was trying to understand it. once i did it the wrong way, now i wanna do it right way (at least right on my way). how? i dont know, but one thing i know is starting from my own self. acceptance is important here. admission is another one.

i need and have to be more and more grateful for everything i had and have. that is acceptance.

when we talk about 'take-for-granted' thing, it doesnt mean that we have to take it all as something that truly fully 'granted'. it's not given that way, but it needs a lot of effort to make it that way. for the reason of differences, i found that not everything could be treated equally. but it has to be treated conditionally. there must be a priority scale on it.

when we talk about acceptance in order to somebody else, maybe it refers to how we deal with their attitude, personality, character, and so on. just if we could deal with all that stuff, then it wont be a problem, right?! but what if we couldnt do that? do we have to force ourself to accept it as it is? in my opinion, that's not acceptance but just another way of fooling yourself. especially when those things turn into something bad or adverse.

ok, if you cant deal with it, just admit it then. no need to force yourself out to accept what your mind-heart-body had refuse. that's silly, you know. it doesnt work no matter how hard you try. the harder you try, the hurter you get. you're not a zombie, you do have heart which can feel any emotions. forcing it into something that it doesnt want to feel, just make it looks like a property, in fact it's not!!! you need to say ENOUGH then get move on. just forget it, because this is not a problem that needs to be solved with a win-win-solution. that's bullshit!! cmon... take it or leave it!!

*runnie - olredi moved on*

cita-cita

2009-10-28T23:07:00.002+07:00

bicara tentang cita2, saya jadi inget jaman kecil saya dulu dan mungkin jaman kecilnya (hampir) smua orang kalik ya. inget ndak kalo dulu selalu ditanya sama bu guru, "nanti kalo sudah besar, mau jadi apa?". cita2 'pasaran'nya anak TK/SD dulu mah standart banget, kalo nggak njawab polisi, ya tentara.. kalo ndak dokter, ya astronot.. malah sampe ada yg punya cita jadi presiden, dulu. entah deh skarang ybs ends-up dmana dan jadi apa, wallahu alam lah, hihiiii.. tapi yang saya inget banget, saya ndak pernah njawab salah satu dari jawaban di atas atau jawaban lain yg sama 'pasaran'nya dengan jawaban2 tadi. yg ada, saya njawab pengen punya banyak duit, hahahaaaa... *gilak, kecil2 udah matre mode on!! hahahahaaa*.

beberapa waktu yg lalu pun, salah satu dosen saya di pertemuan minggu pertama meminta kami untuk menuliskan apa visi misi hidup kami untuk 5th ke depan. yg ada dipikiran saya saat itu hanya satu, saya ingin jadi staff di PT yg-itu-lah-pokoknya. at least saya ingin membiarkan dan merelakan diri saya diberdayakan oleh pihak lain sebelum nantinya akan saya berdayakan diri saya sendiri. gak ada salahnya untuk mencari asupan modal pertama di 'ladang gembur' sebelum benar2 menanamkan modal di ladang gembur. kenapa saya bilang ladang, karena saya memang pengen jadi petani. iya, p-e-t-a-n-i.. yg nyangkul2 itu.. bener koq, ndak salah kamu nebaknya.. tapi sekarang saya bisa bersyukur dengan jawaban saya, walaupun terlalu umum (gak spesifik), tapi cukup memberikan gambaran luas tentang keinginan saya untuk menjadi siapa, dan seperti apa akan saya pahat hidup yg sudah Tuhan berikan ini untuk saya.

saya pengen punya rumah di daerah pedesaan, walaupun saya suka hidup di kota. saya pengen 'bergaul' dengan alam, walaupun saya juga cinta mati sama mall. namun smua itu justru membuat suatu big-picture di depan saya, gambaran hidup yang benar2 impian, indah, menyenangkan. yah paling ndak, rumah saya nantik ndak di tengah kota yg crowded'nya bikin setress. jauh dari kota pun ndak masalah, asal beneran bawa damai. ndak perlu besar, asal ~~dikelilingi lahan pertanian milik sendiri yg luasnya berhektar2~~ cukup untuk menampung keluarga inti dan besar ~~beserta bahan2 ransumnya selama bertahun2, hahaha~~ kalo2 pas ada acara keluarga, koyoto lebaran. yg terpenting adalah lahannya. saya bisa punya lahan untuk bercocok tanam sendiri, bebas mau berkreasi nanem apa aja dan mau hire orang brapa aja. nantik kalo udah bisa diberdayakan, baru deh bikin perkebunan kayak punyaknya pak dhe sapa itu yg punya kebon duren sak arat2, warso apa wongso opo sopo ngunu jenenge mbuh.

kalo di games yg di pesbuk itu, ya hampir persis mirip kayak di FT itu lah. punyak lahan tanam yg luas.. punyak rumah dan halamannya yg jugak luas.. ya kayak rumah2 model country-side gitu itu. ntar ada barn'nya, ada kandang sapi sak sapi2nya jugak ada ~~saya ndak mau piara kambing, soalnya lebuse gak umum, huwek~~. sehari2 kerjaannya nandur terus, kalo ndak ya keliling2 ladang naik traktor nggonceng anak2, hahahaaa... so sweet... lah misuanya mana koq ndak diajak? misuanya ya kerja lah di kantor sana, hahaha... yg mau jadi petani itu kan saya, bukan misua saya nanti, jadi biarkan dia berkarya dan dikaryakan oleh pihak lain. dan saya tinggal nunggu gajinya sambil macul sawahe dewe, hohoho.. >:)

emang mau jadi petani apa? hmmm.. petani sayur/buah aja lah, yang masa tanemnya nggak lama2. lagian kalo buah2an apa sayur2an kan kalo pas mateng bikin gemes, jadi berasa nikmat gitu pas panennya. ya biarpun secara harga gak begitu tinggi, scara ya what-you-give-is-what-you-get kan. gambaran nyatanya sih mungkin kayak mereka2 yg hidup di daerah2 pegunungan, kalo di bandung sini tuh contohnya di daerah lembang. kalo di malang itu kisaran daerah batu ke atas sana.

gpp lah, walo bentar lagi insyaAllah bakal lulus dengan titel sarjana manajemen bisnis telekomunikasi, tapi jadi petani kan gak harus punya titel sarjana pertanian kan. so, genjot teruuuss... visi misi udah dirangkai di life-board, tinggal bismillah'nya aja untuk berusaha, berdoa, dan konsisten terus sama apa yg udah di rencanakan.

PS: ---sedang berdoa dengan sungguh2--- [-o<

*runnie - (calon) petani*

Apa sih?!!

2009-10-13T11:32:00.005+07:00

Tuhan..

telpon barusan sedikitnya menghantam aku secara perlahan, tepat sisi di hati bagian keluarga.. aku tidak tau lagi Tuhan, mana yang benar atau mana yang harus dibenarkan.. aku tidak membenarkan apa yg aku lakukan sekarang ini, tapi aku punya alasan knapa aku melakukan itu Tuhan.. aku bisa berdalih seperti dia, yang memiliki alasan tertentu knapa dia mengambil langkah itu.. aku pun memiliki alasan yg jelas tentang knapa aku bersikap seperti ini..

Tuhan..

aku tau aku bukan mahluk yg sempurna.. aku juga punya salah, yang terkadang nggak bisa diterima sama orang lain.. aku juga pernah dan mungkin akan bersikap menyebalkan untuk orang lain.. tapi sulit untuk aku memaksa orang lain menuruti apa yang aku lakukan, persis seperti sesulit aku untuk bisa dipaksa orang lain untuk menerima apa yg mereka lakukan.. ini bukan lagi tentang pandangan benar atau salah, juga bukan karena sesuatu yang bersifat personal.. ini lebih karena hati yang merasa tidak nyaman dengan keadaan yang ada..

iya Tuhan..

aku tidak nyaman, atau mungkin belum bisa merasa nyaman.. aku berusaha untuk tidak menyalahkan siapa pun Tuhan, karena aku tidak memperbolehkan hatiku kotor untuk sesuatu yang hanya berupa dugaan negatif.. tapi itu bukan sesuatu yang mudah.. aku butuh usaha extra untuk melakukannya.. jujur, ada egoisme yang harus ditahan dan ditekan serendah mungkin untuk berdamai dengan suasana ini.. tapi itupun bukannya tidak butuh waktu.. mereka meminta ku untuk berbuat begini begitu.. tapi apa aku berlebihan jika aku juga mempertanyakan, apakah mereka juga meminta hal yang sama dari yang lain, terutama dari dia?

Tuhan..

sekarang apa aku salah, kalau aku butuh waktu yang lebih lama dari orang lain dalam menghadapi ini?? apa aku kterlaluan kalo aku butuh memenangkan hatiku diatas egoku sendiri?.. aku juga gak pernah ingin merasa sok jahat dengan bersikap seperti ini.. tapi aku juga nggak bisa mbohongin hati ku Tuhan..

Tuhan..

tolong nilai aku, apa selama ini aku tidak cukup berusaha? apa sampai saat ini aku hanya diam nggak berbuat apa2?

*runnie - sedih*

stop it!!

2009-10-12T19:45:00.002+07:00

stop apa? stop ngapain? stop kenapa?

stop untuk sok tau perasaan orang lain.. stop untuk mau tau urusan orang lain.. karena itu annoying.. iya, ANNOYING!!! [-( *huh!

si ini kan begitu.. si itu kan begini.. yaaa kan dia itu sama si ini.. padahal kan si itu begini2..

halaaaahhh... macam tau2 aja!! ngapain sih sbenernya act kayak gitu itu?? kayak nggak ada kerjaan lain aja. kayak sendirinya udah beres aja. kaya rasa diri paling bener sedunia akherat aja. kalo mau sok tau, silakan deh, tapi buat konsumsi diri pribadi aja, gak usah diributin. ehh.. ini udah sok tau malah diumbar2 ke orang lain lagi ke'sotoy'annya. wtf!!! gak nyadar ya kalo gitu itu mengganggu dan bisa merugikan org yg di'sotoy'in??

alesannya, "ya kan cuma ngomong gitu doank..." woiiii... emang ada yang minta lu buat ngomong?!! emang ada yang minta dibantuin buat ngomong?!! itu mah bukan membantu, tapi malah ngerusuhin, bikin suasana jadi keruh aja deh. suka ya? happy ya? NUTS!!!!

*runnie - annoyed*

Tuhan, aku bahagia... ^_^

2009-10-07T23:44:00.004+07:00

ya Tuhan..

baru sekali dua kali aku berdoa..

sudah Kau beri aku bahagia..

aku menyeru Mu hanya dengan kata..

namun hidupku Kau genapkan dengan tawa..

ya Tuhan..

telah Kau cepatkan detak jantungku berulang kali..

sampai Kau ingatkan aku untuk berdoa kembali..

malam ini Kau beri senyum untuk ku lagi..

hampir lupa ku pijak kaki ke bumi..

Tuhan, malam ini aku bahagia..

8 menit lebih hatiku Kau kembangkan seperti bunga..

aku sangat tau ini bukan karena siapa..

tapi aku percaya bahwa tangan-Mu lah yang sedang bekerja..

Tuhan, sungguh aku tak pernah mengerti..

bingkisan apa yang akan Kau beri nanti..

namun sepenuh hati coba ku yakini..

bahwa ini akan berujung indah dan pasti..

*runnie - subhanallah.. praise Lord!!*

23 dua puluh tiga

2009-10-05T12:13:00.011+07:00

pic taken from google.com

happy birthday to me..

happy birthday..

happy birthday to me.. ^_____^ *tiup lilin(lilinan)*

Alhamdulillah, kemaren tepat tanggal 4 Oktober 2009 saya genap berusia 23 th, bukan usia yang sedikit. kalo dibandingin sama usia Nabi mah brarti udah lewat 1/3 dari usianya. which means, there's still 2/3 remaining (insyaAllah) for me to learn-do-say-think-feel and everything better way. apa yang sudah dilewati selama sekian tahun ini harus bisa jadi 'lesson-to-learn' di tahun2 berikutnya, dan harus bisa memberikan hasil yang jauh lebih baik dari tahun2 sebelumnya.

--------------------------**

puji syukur dan terimakasih kagem Gusti Allah.. untuk setiap napas yang telah terhirup selama 23th ini.. untuk semua tawa dan tangis yang sudah mewarnai 23th kehidupan saya.. untuk orang2 terbaik dan terkasih yang telah ditebarkan disekeliling saya.. untuk nikmat dan anugerah yang terlimpah selama ini.. untuk sebuah keluarga yang tiada duanya.. untuk raga yang tak kurang satu apa ~~*sebenernya sih mau sambatan kurang daging :D*~~.. untuk hati dan jiwa yang mudah2an (insyaAllah) bisa seluas samudera.. untuk apapun yang ada dan tiada kemaren, sekarang, dan nanti.. last but not least, terimaksih untuk berkenan memberiku waktu untuk mengenal 'dia', it's priceless.. *speechless*

terimakasih buat mama.. yang selalu bilang "doa mama selalu menyertaimu, sayang".. yang bisa jadi orang paling suabar sedunia akhirat *tapi juga bisa jadi orang paling mellow ;))*.. yang selalu curhat ke no fren saya, dan secara tidak langsung membuat saya jadi jauh lebih dewasa dengan curhatannya.. buat masakannya yang maknyus.. pokoknya buat semuanya.. i luv yu, mom.. :*

terimakasih buat papa.. hmmm, mau nulis apa ya?? masih speechless gara2 sms'nya yang semalem.. luv yu too, big daddy.. :*

terimakasih buat keluargaku.. no matter what happens or no matter what it takes, you're still the family of mine.. :* :*

terimaksih untuk my-little-baby yang udah bangunin tiap pagi dengan jambakannya.. udah ngasi perasaan khawatir di hati ini waktu liat dia nangis dan sakit.. buat ilernya yang mesti diraupin ke muka kalo pas lagi nyium.. untuk semua senyum dan tawa.. you really are the best gift ever.. luv you, baby..

terimakasih buat teman2ku sayang.. untuk semua ucapan dan doa2 baiknya, semoga bisa dikabulkan di waktu yang benar2 tepat.. untuk ada nemenin saya saat suka dan duka.. untuk tertawa bersama.. untuk saat2 berbagi sejuta cerita lara dan bahagia.. dan untuk semua yang telah terlewati, terimakasih temans.. i'm happy and very proud to be one part of you all.. :X

--------------------------**

PS: thanks buat semua yang sudah ngucapin dan ndoain, mau itu lewat sms, facebook, telp, ato langsung. maap kalo ndak bisa disebutin satu2 dsini. so much to say, but so little space... ^_^

*runnie - sedang bahagia*

the very best gift

2009-10-03T22:37:00.002+07:00

mau cerita tentang libur lebaran kmaren. niatnya sih kmaren pulang nggak lama2, scara libur dari kampues juga cuman 2minggu ini, jadi rencana awalnya tanggal 27an saya udah balik ke sini. tapi nggak nyangka, baru kali ini ada yang 'nahan' saya untuk gak cepetan balik ke bandung. dan walhasil saya baru balik ke bdg besok hari minggu, hahaha... apah?? siapah?? cowok?? ah sok tau kamuuuu...!! :p nih saya kasi tau tersangkanya... xixixi.. ;))

she's my new hunny-bunny-sweetie-baby.. ini deh tersangka utama yang bikin rumah jadi heboh, plus bikin semua penghuni rumah jadi 'gila', hahahaaa... gadis kecil ini bener2 bisa mencuri hati saya. saya nggak tau knapa, apa mungkin ini faktor sedarah ya, blood-line gitu.. :D.

awalnya waktu saya tau dia lahir, jujur saya nggak merasa yang kayak gimana2, datar dan biasa banget perasaan saya. tapi kemaren pas baru ktemu saya jadi beneran percaya pepatah yang ngomong kalo "tak kenal, maka tak sayang" itu bener2 berlaku disini. hufffff... kualat nih saya. sekarang jadi jatuh cinta deh. sampe hari ini pun saya masih nggak tau gimana caranya mendeskripsikan bocah tengil yang satu ini. cerdas, pinter, ahhh.. smua lah pokoknya.

dulu saya punya pertanyaan besar knapa orang sampai segitunya sayang sama baby mereka. tapi sekarang, perlahan saya menemukan sendiri jawabannya. nggak berlebihan kalo setiap ibu di dunia ini mengelu2kan anaknya dengan panggilan 'my little angel' lah, 'my little prince/princes' lah, atau macam panggilan yang mungkin untuk orang lain itu berlebihan. tapi itu semua worth it koq. coba bayangin, kalo tiap pagi ada yang mbangunin, biarpun caranya pake njambak2 rambut, tapi berasa ada yang bedaaaa gitu. it feels so amazing. mau diciumin sampe ilernya tuh bebi njlembret kemana2 juga mah bawaannya seneng ajah, malah rasanya lucu bisa diciumin sama baby sampe segitunya. belum lagi kalo udah ngliat senyumnya atau malah ngliat/denger ketawanya, bener2 Subhanallah deh itu perasaannya...

kmaren si kecil sempet sakit, batuk plus pilek, mungkin karna hawanya emang lagi nggak enak kali yak. kasian ngliatnya, sampe nggak tega. malem pas parah2nya dia sakit, nggak tau knapa malah saya jadi nggak tenang. tiap dia kbangun, saya pun jadi ikut2an kbangun, nungguin sambil nge'puk2 punggungnya berharap dia bisa balik tidur. tapi namanya juga anak kecil, kan kalo sakit nggak bisa ngomong tapi cuma bisa nangis. jadi tetep aja bolak balik kbangun dan nangis mulu. begh... rasanya juga jadi bener2 nggak tenang, sedih, cemas, arghh.. campur2 lah pokoknya. Alhamdulillah sekarang si nduth2 udah baikan, malah terakhir kmaren udah nggegek2 sama smua org rumah, hihihi..

2 temen saya dulu pernah bilang hal yang sama, "run, ntar kalo lu dah punya anak, smua2 deh itu tentang anak lu. mau lu pegi kmane aje, ujung2nya pasti keingetan anak lu". kata mereka lagi, apapun yang mau dibeli, itu pasti disangkutin ke si anak tadi. misal mau beli baju buat diri sendiri, eh ternyata urung malah busy milih baju buat si kecil. waktu itupun saya masih bisa bilang, "ah, masa sih mbak?? sampe segitunya..". tapi sekali lagi saya kualat pemirsa.. kmaren terbukti omongan mereka, hahaha.. pas lagi jalan ke MOG sama si nduk, eh lah koq malah sibuk nyari2 baju buat si nduth2, beghhh.. :))

yang jelas, saya merasa amat sangat bersyukur tahun ini. karena dapet kado the best dari Allah, ya si nduth2 itu :D. setidaknya 11hari kmaren adalah hari2 yang amazing buat saya. bener2 pengalaman dan perasaan yang gak biasa. yang mahal harganya.

ini lagu sukaannya si nduth2 :D

lagunya lullaby banget... ^_^

i LOVE you my hunny-bunny-sweetie-baby.. Love you.. :* :* :*

*runnie - thank God, i got you*

gloomy me

2009-09-10T15:41:00.003+07:00

i dont know what was happened right now. i feel like something stabbing me right on my heart. it hurts... hurting me bad. why should i felt this way? why??????

how many times do i have to say that 'i let you go'? and how many more times do i have to say that again? a hundred.. a million.. or what huh?!! damn!! it's like i'm torturing my self for being like this.

i hate when i see you like that. i hate when i know that you're unhappy. i feel hurted when i know that you've been hurted by some one out there. i feel the pain when i know you're in pain.

it doesnt matter how hard i try to make it right, it always breaking me down in the end. arghhhh....!!!!!!

*runnie - blebeblebeb*

it comes earlier!!! ^_^

2009-09-05T21:30:00.010+07:00

yeeeeaaaahh.. i just bought a new cellphone!!!!! *dancing* hahaha.. a simple phone with tiny shape and chicky color :D. this is a CDMA phone btw. i wanted to buy a GSM phone actually, but on second thought, i think it's quite unwise to spend more money on buying a nice one GSM now day. i need that though, but i must tighten the budget, xixixi.. i wanna have one very nice GSM phone, but my money still not enough yet. so i decided to buy this one and waiting when the day comes to buy the other later >:). it's pretty cheap, so i dont expect much from its features. as long as i can make calls and keep texting, i have enough then. and that's the way it is. very simple but ellegant, hahaha... **what a solace!!! :))

why i bought this one?? first of all, because i need a cellphone after some one had stole mine about a couple months a go [curse you, bloody damn thief!!!]. others because i like it. i never had cellphones like this before. mine were always big, at least i could grab it strongly. but this one is very small, i even cant feel it, hahaha... but the main reason is bcause i wanna give something worth to my own self on my birthday this year. it feels very2 good when you can give yourself a gift that you need the most right now. it's about satisfaction i'm talking here. so, what more can i say instead, "Alhamdulillah... big thanks to Allah..!!" ^_^

oh yeah, almost forgotten, i was hunting it down all over BEC. after searching at 1st floor, i got none. i went to 2nd floor, i got none. back to 1st floor, still got none, arghhhh... unbelieveble!!! they only have the black and the red one. i don't want them both!! what i want is the pink one!! then i went back to 2nd floor, and taaaaraaaaaa.... i got it, finally..!!! #-o and it's the only stock they had ^_^ . it's like searching one needle in the haystack, hahahaaa... **lebay

Happy (earlier) Birthday, Run...!!!! *kisskiss*

[pic taken from here]

*runnie - thanks, beib..*

things about you

2009-09-05T02:52:00.005+07:00

*pic taken from gettyimage.com

-funny, very funny. not a single day was spent without me laughing about something you've told me. you're good on making jokes. and you're the best on making me laugh :*

-smart, and you do have brain. you know what exactly you're talking about. even sometimes it less than mine :p. but still, you're smarter than others ;))

-confidence, is what i like about you. you know what you want, you know what to do. you do what you wanna do, but still with dignity of course.

-cool, so damn cool!! shit! i admit that though. hahaha.. you speak gently but firmly too. besides, you're very good looking guy with nice suits and wonderful smell. never had some one like you before :*

-sexy, not mention about the sex appeal. but it's more than that. it's about the body-shape, bwahahaha... **honestly kidding :D

-mature, is you. you dare to speak, even if it's wrong and dare to admit your mistakes. you have the courage to apologize.

there are so many things i wanna put down here, but so little space. now just tell me, how can i not love you the way i do, babe???? :x

PS: for si nduk ---> i know you won't agree with me, but plis just let it be this way yaaaa... *luv2*

*runnie - so lovable*

makan lagi...

2009-08-19T23:33:00.008+07:00

nggak tau knapa, 2minggu blakangan ini napsu makan lagi menggila. gak ada matinya, abis ngembat ini.. hajar itu.. sikat sana.. santap sini.. ya ampyuuunn, bener2 deh kalo scheme nya gini teros, dijamin sebulanan juga udah tembus 45kg nih. yeahaaaa...!!! [mimpi yang terkabul, bwahahaha..] untungnya ini bandung, jadi gak susah kalo mau menuhin harsat yang satu itu. cuma mau ng'review doank kmaren jadinya kuliner apaan aja. btw, reviewnya minus picture ya, gak punya kamera niy, mau ngandalin hp kayak biasanya juga udah almarhum skarang hpnya, hahaha.. so, here they come..

- Bakmi Jowo DU : ini warungnya di dipati ukur, pas pengkolan gitu, tapi ndak tau bagian DU no brapa. kmaren nyobain bakmi godhog nya. pernah nyoba yang versi 'mie jogja' yang aseli di jogja sono, kalo dibandingin sih rasanya sedikit beda. kalo yang di DU ini lebih kaldu, tapi kalo yang di jogja sono agak2 spicey. tapi jangan dibandingin sama mie jogja yang di malang jalan kawi itu ya. bwaahh.. nggak banget itu rasanya, gak ngalor gak ngidul =)). tempatnya sih sedengan (gak kecil2 banget trus gak gede juga) tapi lumayan lah, cuma agak sedikit panas. kayaknya sih efek dari panas areng tungkunya deh, soalnya mereka masaknya ndak pakek kompor gas, tapi pake areng tungku gitu. kalo harga sih mungkin udah standart, mie2nya itu dibandrol 13.500/porsi. kalo buat minuman mah variannya gak ada yang spesial kecuali teh poci yang dibandrol 4-5rb, khusus yang ini free refill loh *promosi :D*. overall, kalo yang demen banget sama mie, cobain aja deh. soalnya eikeh ndak begitu gila kalo sama mie2an gini. jadi ya komennya s-t-d lah.. :)

- pempek Pak Raden : masih di daerah DU, ini lokasinya persis diseberangnya Obonk. rasanya sih not bad, tapi juga ndak enak2 banget. ya cukup mengobati kangen maem pempek lah. harganya dari 3500an sampek 10rb kalo ndak salah. kmaren nyoba yang kapal selam gede sama kapal selam yang ketil2. niatnya sih bua snack doank, tapi kebablasan, hahaha... cuma ada yang kurang, biasanya kan kalo pempek itu ada pelengkapnya ya. yang udang ebi digerus itu loh. nah disini nggak ada pas kmaren nyoba. tapi tempat ini lumayan terkenal loh di sini. scara yaa.. di bandung mah kan susyah mau nyari makanan2 daerah kayak bginian. jadi untuk kelasannya bandung, ini pempek lumayan lah :). tapi kalo mau diadu sama pempek ala pak oco, masih jauh yaaaa... xixixi.. :D *hidup pak oco!!

- Winner Bratwurst : naaahh.. kalo yang satu ini pasti jadi surganya para peminat sosis. gilak ini sosisnya, super gedhe..!! [kata ila kaya **l, bwahahahaaaa... kusruh emang si ila ituh =))]. tapi nih ya, emang enak loh sosisnya (without mentioning its size, of course :D), scara kalo kata orang jawa 'enek rego enek rupo', ya berlaku nih di sini. kalo dibandung yang saya tau tempatnya cuma 2 winner doank, satu deket kosan di geger kalong, yang satu lagi di setiabudi depannya mcD. entah ya kalo ternyata dibelahan bandung yang lain juga ada winner kayak yang 2 ini, hehehe.. :D

buat yang suka masakan ala western, gak nyesel wes kalo pernah kesini. sgala2nya pas, termasuk porsinya, itu juga pas. percaya dech, wong eikeh aja kmaren mesen 'exoten wurst' bisa ludes dengan sukses koq, hahaha.. si exoten ini isinya 2biji sosis gedhe (tulisan di menunya sih @90gr, satu paperoni, satu lagi kmaren dapet yang lada hitam) yang dipanggang trus dikasi saus apaaaa gitu, hampir kayak barbeque sih tapi bukan, masih ditambah satu chicken potato (ini sih kayak perkedel yang dilumuri tepung panir, trus digoreng), potato wedges (ini bukan model hak sepatu loh, tapi ini kentang goreng yang dipotong2 plain), salad (gubis+wortel diserut), plus fusilli yang dibumbu tomato sauce. harganya 39rb udah plus ppn 10%. kalo minumannya eikeh belum nyoba, soalnya yang exoten ntuh dibungkus trus dimamam dirumah.

satu lagi, pizza home made'nya juga maknyus loohh.. scara udah bosen ini sama PH, jadi kbetulan pas pengen pizza keingetan kalo disini juga sedia menu pizza, ya wes take home aja deh satu pan kecil meat lovers. eh ternyata, pas udah diemplok lah koq pas banget nih sama pizza yang dipinginin. cuma sayangnya kmaren saya nggak tau kalo ternyata pizza yang dipesen ada taburan daun bassil nya [tau gitu kmaren bilang dulu, gak usah dikasi basil2an, huuuuhh..]. urghhh... jadi mengurangi taste'nya. but overall, this place is very hi-recommended for you who really loves wurst :)

- Ayam Cobek Langganan : ini tempatnya di jalan cihampelas, deket pertigaan yang mau ke arah itb, depannya hotel apa-itu-gak-tau-namanya. masakannya sih yang utama ya si 'ayam cobek' itu. ini tuh kayak ayam penyet gitu loh, cuma sambelnya yang beda. trus kalo disini sambel yang di cobeknya itu ada ikan asin sama terong gorengnya gitu, jadi ada sensasi rasa yang berbeda, hahaha... ayamnya ada yang digoreng ada yang dibakar juga. kalo untuk menu yang lain, gak kalah seru koq. berhubung saya ndak begitu ng'fans sama ayam, jadi lebih prefer mesen menu2 yang seafood punya. so far nyobain ini itu, selalu maknyuuuuuuuusss... termasuk tahu nya. jadi ini ada menu tahu goreng tepung yang dipotong kecil2 trus disajiin pakek sambel. either tahu or sambelnya sama2 maknyus. ah pokoknya mah kalo urusan masakan tradisional (not sunda) ini tempat recommended deh.. two thumbs up :-bd

- Bebek van Java : banyak yang bilang kalo bebek disini wenyak, tapi for me it's 'B' only, maksudnya itu ya 'Biasa' ajah. nothing spesial. rasanya pun ndak enak2 banget. bumbunya kurang ngresep, jadi biar udah digoreng kering pun, rasa anyir daging bebeknya masih brasa. tapi sambelnya katanya sih pedes (mungkin ini trik buat menyamarkan rasa bebeknya yang sebenernya kalik yaaa... **suudzon mode on :-"). saya nggak nyobak, karena nggak sukak pedes, jadi temen yang nyoba. kata dia sih enak. [but, i dont trust this guy for any taste of food that has been eaten, hahahaaaa....]

- Daeng Tata : tempatnya deket sama kosan, di daerah setiabudi atas, yaaa gak jauh2 banget lah. disini pesen sop iga sama es pisang ijo. sayangnya, udah kadung ngasi ekspektasi tinggi ke masakan disini, jadi pas maem dan tau rasanya, kecewa deh. terutama sama pisang ijonya. baaaahh... parah rasanya!! gak lagi2 deh, mana mahal pulak, 11rb bo'. knapa saya bilang mahal?karena nggak enak, jadi gak rela, hahaha.. [coba kalo enak, 11rb mah gak sambat, lah wong wenyak koq]. knapa kecewa? karena sopnya kurang panas, untuk hawa bandung yang dingin (apalagi daerah utara seperti gerlong dan kesononya) masakan berkuah penuh lemak yang disajikan dalam keadaan setengah panas, itu merupakan kesalah. ditambah porsinya yang cukup buesar, lengkap sudah, bertambah fatal kesalahannya. karna itu iga gede banget, dan gak mungkin manusia normal sperti saya bisa ngabisin segitu gedenya iga cuma dalam hitungan 5mnt, jadinya itu sop udah kburu dingin ditengah2 perjamuan ~~kanibalisme~~ yang sedang berlangsung. dan bisa ditebak apa yang terjadi, iyaaaaak!!! anda benulll...!!! lemak dari itu sop udah pada beku diseluruh area mangkok, plus di iga2nya juga. yaaaaakkksss...!!! ilfil seketika!! huuuuuuu.....

sekian dulu deh reviewnya, kapan2 dilanjut lagi. udah ng'list target selanjutnya sih, cuma belum tau kapan mau dieksekusi. mudah2an dalam waktu dekat, scara udah gak tahan nih mau menghajar menu di red's dipo, huhuhu.... im coming... :D

PS: suayang banget..postingannya gak pake gambar smua, hikssss.. :( **padahal kan bisa ngilerin yg mau puasa, hahahaha... >:)

update: udah ke Red's Dipo, tapi ternyata nggak sesuai sama ratingnya. aseli itu makanan rasanya B aja, alias 'biasa' aja. masih ada tempat yang lebih wenyak dan maknyus kalo soal fish grilled lah pokoknya.. baaaaahhh..!!!

*runnie - next destination...*

17an

2009-08-17T20:04:00.008+07:00

pic taken from www.paparanet.com/gallery/showphoto.php?photo=72

hari ini tepat tanggal 17 agustus. semua manusia di bumi indonesia pasti tau kalo hari ini itu hari peringatan kemerdekaan bangsa ini. masalahnya adalah... nggak semua orang tau dan 'aware' dengan bilangannya, maksudnya gak semua orang tau udah berapa tahun ini bangsa merdeka, ya thoo..??

salah satu dari orang2 itu ya nggak lain dan nggak bukan adalah yang poenya blog ini, saya.. iya saya.. saya ndak tau tahun ini indonesia ulang taun yang keberapa. yang saya inget dulu waktu indonesia umurnya 50th. soalnya selama yang saya tau, itu tahun yang paling rame orang2 pada ngerayain ultahnya ini negara. tapi setelahnya, jujur saya nggak pernah ngitung penambahan umur tiap tahunnya. ya persis kayak skarang ini, saya ndak tau ini ultahnya indonesia yang kberapa, sampe barusan baca iklan pas otw mau makan malam.

ternyata negaraku sekarang udah sepuh, udah 64th [barusan diitung lagi pakek kalkulator, buat mastiin kalo saya ndak ditipu sama iklan itu. ternyata emang bener. 2009 - 1945 = 64 :D]. tahun2 belakangan ini rasanya udah berbeda. sudah berkurang euforia dang hingar bingar perayaan 17an. menyedihkan... padahal justru hal seperti itu yang dubutuhkan bangsa ini saat ini. butuh sedikit hiburan, relaksasi, refreshing dengan segala kemeriahan. tapi justru yang saya rasakan skarang 'a lil bit empty', kayak gak brasa 17an sama skali. apa mungkin ini pengaruh dari faktor lingkungan dimana skarang tinggal ya. hmm.. coba kayak di tarakan dulu. bulan agustus itu bener2 jadi bulan yang ditunggu2 sama warga. karena pasti rame, smua orang pada ngumpul dilapangan ngikut lomba2 di rt/rw. tapi itu udah berlalu...

anyway, terlepas dari bagaimana perayaannya, saya tetep mau ngasi selamat dulu buat indonesiaku.. SELAMAT ULANG TAHUN INDONESIA KU....

dan dengan hantaran sedikit doa:

ya Allah... terimakasih untuk segala berkah dan nikmat-Mu untuk indonesiaku. untuk segala suka dan duka yang terlewati bersama. untuk 64th kemerdekaan dan 'kemerdekaan' yang Engkau anugerahkan pada kami. dan ijin kan kami untuk MERDEKA lebih lama lagi ya Allah..... amien.. [-o<

*runnie - MERDEKA!!!!!!*

stupid for fun

2009-08-16T03:53:00.002+07:00

ini bukan kali pertama nglakuin beginian, terhitung udah 3x ini ~~kalo ndak salah~~. brasa 'lil stupid sbenernya, tapi lucu.. idiyot.. fun.. deg2an.. hahaha... pokoknya dodol lah.

gilingan benged nih, jadi kayak main kucing2an. padahal loh ya ndak ada orang lain yang tau or bakalan tau, tapi tetep ae agak deg2an, xixixi.. ;))

ya gini ini deh temptation'nya kalo udah sendirian di kos. anak2 pada nggak ada, pada pulang smua. ditinggal sendirian jaga warung. kosan jadinya sepi.. sunyi.. senyap.. ~~kayak kuburan~~ jadi kesempatan dech. scara ndak mungkin hal bginian bisa dilakuin disembarang tempat, dan dengan adanya orang lain juga disitu. so it has to be done A-L-O-N-E!!!!

so here i am.. in my own lovely room.. in the middle of the night.. just 'kidding' with my own self.. make a very tiny 'adventure'.. feel the beat just getting faster..

oh God.. please spare me.. have mercy on my soul.. *lebay*

*runnie - masih berasa*

3 tahun berlalu

2009-08-08T02:44:00.002+07:00

ternyata udah 3 tahun saya hidup di bandung sini, hahaha.. sok gak nyadar gitu. padahal brasanya kayak masih baru kmaren ngikutan ospek kampus, eh skarang udah smester 7 aja, mana udah tambah tuwak lagi niy umur ~~untung wajahnya gak ngikutan tuwak jugak~~. apa yang udah dilewati, hmmmm....

- selama 3 tahun ini, punya sohib yang nano2 rasanya. my none other friend.. Yono...!! hahaha.. iya, dia ini yang jadi tukang ojek kmana2, dari nganterin beli buku, pegi hunting dvd ke pasar yang jauhnya naudzubillah itu, sampe jadi ojek buat njemput si mami waktu kapan hari dia ksini. teman belanja bulanan bareng, beli buku bareng, nongkrong curhat2an bareng, makan di aep's sampe pagi, ngedoprok di mcD pojokan sampe pantat ngapal, dll dsb lah pokoknya. sohib nonton b2 doank, kayak pasangan tapi pisuh2an, hahaha... walaupun beda selera ~~jauh~~ dan beda standart ~~banget~~ hampir di semua hal, terutama makanan, tapi he's still the one and only my 'blakrakan' mate here. and unfortunately, im glad of that, bwahahahaha....

- udah nglewatin 6 smester yang mengagumkan ~~dunia akherot~~, dengan amat sangat rajin sekali. presensi hampir always hadir, nilai juga selalu ada di kawasan memuaskan ~~bagi diri sendiri tapi belum tentu orang lain~~. kuliah dengan prinsip hanya 2K, which is kampus-and-kosan, jadi gak ada acara nongkrong bareng di kampus after lectures or ngikut2an acara gak penting yang diadain ma anak2 di kampus, apalagi ngikutan repot masuk organisasi ini itu, hell noooooo.... so far untuk masalah kuliah, so good laaaah... *lebay*

- dari awal dsini sampe skarang nggak pindah2 kos, tetep stay di hunian ~~terkutuk~~ mahasiswa ~~jelata~~ yang kondisinya nggak lebih baik dari petakan kamar yang di ujung sono. mana mahalnya ampyun2, trus landlord'nya mblendez cap kebo gudhel lagi, baaaaahhh... tapi udah tau gitu malah gak pindah2, terkesan udah pewe ma ini kosan, padahalll... bencinya stengah mampus, bwahahaha... =))

- menarik kesimpulan bahwa saya memang benci sama yang namanya jajanan ala bandung raya, tuladha: cireng, cimol, batagor, dll dsb. tapi not include brownies dan surabi oncom. kalo dua itu mah jangan nanya, kliatan mata langsung embat sikat >:)

- udah punya ratusan koleksi dvd ~~bajakan~~ yang dulu dikumpulin rajin saben hampir 2mgg skali pegi ke pasar ~~yang jauhnya naudzubillah itu~~. dan sudah puluhan dvd dari koleksian itu juga yang udah raib dipinjem tapi kaga balik lagi.

- i know for exactly how was my weight before i got here, and now i know that "everyone can change" is not suitable line any more, at least for me. why? bcoz i changed into none!!!!! my weight is still the same no matter how hard i try to getting fat. bangkeeeeee....!!! [-(

- gak pernah percaya kalo ada yang cerita kcurian kolor ama kutang2 dari jemuran, tapi sekalinya kecurian langsung amblas aja hape digondol maling yang mblusuk masuk kamar waktu ditinggal ke kamar mandi bentaran. dooohhh... siyal..!!!!

then, the question is.. how many more years do i have to spend here after my graduation next year? i hope it wont be long. four years are more than enough for me to stay in one place. so, i have to make decision, where will i place my self for the next year? it could be there... or there.. or even there.. hahaha..

*runnie - only my God knows where*

gagal magang

2009-07-31T12:54:00.006+07:00

mestinya postingan ini udah di apload dari juni kmaren, tapi berhubung baru bisa ceritanya sekarang ya sud lah, gpp.. daripada jadi gondok trus bisulan dipendem ndirian ya, hahaha..

dari judulnya aja udah kliatan kan pokok permasalahannya apaan. yup, saya gak jadi, gak bisa, atau lebih tepatnya lagi gagal magang. gimana rasanya?? ya kecewa lah, scara ini bukan perkara sepele buat saya. knapa gak jadi? karna ya nggak diterima, bahasa simplenya. kalo mau dikorek2 lagi lebih dalem, ya banyak faktor ini itu lah yang bikin komplit kegagalan kali ini. dari awal saya hanya punya 3 peluang masukin lamaran magang, scara itu juga dadakan ya, jadi ya wes nyoba nyasar ke perusahaan yang sekiranya bisa goal nih lamarannya.

perusahaan x : baru brapa hari ngirim lamaran, udah ditelp. katanya mreka minta as soon as possible saya brangkat ksana, scara mereka lagi butuh orang banget. the only problem was they've asked me to fill the post starting from june. ouhmygod..!! jelas nggak bisa, kondisinya saat itu saya masih harus nyelesein kuliah yang tinggal 2mgg plus final smester genap. sedangkan perusahaan ini tidak lain dan tidak bukan adalah perusahaan tempat saya dulu bekerja selama setahun lebih dikit, yang posisinya ada di seberang timur pulau jawa ini. damn!!! nggak mungkin donk saya bela2in PP sono-sini saben hari buat magang balik kuliah lagi.. ~~dengkulmu mloncot a??!! opo duite tekan ndudut kelek e mbah e ngunu?!!~~

perusahaan y : saya masukin lamaran magangnya lewat salah satu teman saya yang kerja disana, lebih spesifik lagi, lewat ceweknya temen saya itu yang notabene'nya juga adalah temen saya sendiri, hahaha... *mbulet*. selang beberapa waktu dia ngasi kabar kalo ternyata perusahaan y ini barusan juga nrima pegawai baru, so ya agak susyah juga kalo mau masuk magang. scara kan brarti post kekurangan tenaga kerja udah keisi yaa..

perusahaan z : jujur kalo untuk perusahaan yang satu ini saya nggak ngerti jelasnya bgimana. lamaran saya titipin ke temen saya, and ditungguin koq nggak ada kabarnya. akhirnya beraniin buat nanya, katanya "ya ntar aku tanyain lagi ya sama hrd'nya".. ok dech kalo gitu, scara saya yang nitip ini, mestinya kan saya harus tau diri ya, untuk nggak ngoprak2 bugging tanya2 terus everyday. jadi ya saya merasa better nunggu aja wes. eh ternyata nggak ada kabarnya. trus dari perusahaannya sendiri juga gak ada kabar. ya wes, brarti semakin positip kan kalo ditolak. huuufff....

apa impactnya?? gak jadinya saya magang ini bener2 mengubah hampir 90% rencana kehidupan saya yang sudah dijadwalkan at least sampek 2th kedepan. which means everything has to be re planed now, huuffff... lumayan kan.. ya lumayan capek, capek hati, capek emosi, ya capek lah pokoknya. ya gimana nggak coba, everything yang udah kesusun rapi tiba2 ambruk, just exactly like a domino-effect. what a perfect condition?!!!

tenang, gak usah panik, kan ada plan B... masalahnya adalah... there is no plan B at all..!! ~X(. the plan is always A and A, no B C D etc. rasanya udah kayak mau udunan aja nih kmaren. stengahnya sampek bingung sendiri, gimana caranya ngebalikin route ke path yang sudah ditentukan sebelumnya. harus nyari jalan tembusan nih, bukannya puter balik. gilak aja kalo mau puter balik, energi sapa tuh yang mau dipake?? gilingaaaan kalik.

calm down, have enough rest, relax... take a deep breath.. then ok, it's time to move on. go to the next step and no more moaning-thing. deep down inside, i know for sure that i can pass this 'test'. even if i cant, but i have to.

masalah plan, insyaAllah bisa disusun ulang. masalah mental, insyaAllah bisa lebih tebel. masalah motivasi, insyaAllah bisa lebih tinggi. karna saya yakin seyakin yakinnya kalo Gusti Allah mbhoten sare.
.
.
.
pasang headset..
open winamp..
add file..
play..
.
.
.

"Details In The Fabric"
(Jason Mraz feat. James Morrison)

Calm down..
deep breaths
and get yourself dressed
instead of running around
and pulling all your threads saying
breaking yourself up

If it's a broken part replace it
but if it's a broken arm then brace it
if it's a broken heart then face it

And hold your own
know your name
and go your own way

And everything will be fine
everything will be fine

Hang on..
help is on the way
stay strong
i'm doing everything

And hold your own
know your name
and go your own way

And everything will be fine
everything will be fine

Are the details in the fabric
are the things that make you panic
are your thoughts results of static cling?

Are the things that make you blow
hell, no reason, go on and scream
if you're shocked
it's just the fault of faulty manufacturing

Yeah everything will be fine
everything in no time at all
everything

And hold your own
know your name
and go your own way

Are the details in the fabric (Hold your own, know your name)
are the things that make you panic
are your thoughts results of static cling? (Go your own way)

Are the details in the fabric (Hold your own, know your name)
are the things that make you panic (Go your own way)
is it Mother Nature's sewing machine?

Are the things that make you blow (Hold your own, know your name)
hell no reason go on and scream
if you're shocked it's just the fault (Go your own way)
of faulty manufacturing

Everything will be fine
everything in no time at all
hearts will hold

-------------------------------------

*runnie - try hard, pray harder*

solace

2009-07-28T15:42:00.010+07:00

(7/27/2009 11:10:39 PM): kok rung turu?

orang yang satu ini kalo malem2 pv selalu dengan kalimat yang sama. tadi malem koq ya o, pas tepak banget abis dirasani dewe, lah koq moro2 muncul window pv'annya. kaget dunk, scara barusan dibatin lah koq sekarang mcungul gini ;))

terakhir pv kalo nggak salah awal bulan kmaren, udah luama banget, hiksss.. yah, it's always like this, and i take it as my fully risk. ya mau bjimana lagi cobak, what more can i do or say? none!! pathetic isnt it? yeah, whatever it is, i let it be that way. i like it that way though :). trus ngobrol2 soal pesbuk, eh katanya punya pesbuk juga, ya sud iseng2 lah di searching. aha!! ktemu!! dan potonya itu loh.. ya aulooh, bener2 menggoda ~~iman~~ nian. =))

scara in my own opinion, this guy has his own style, and that looks so C-O-O-L in front of me. nothing less. the type of guy who knows exactly what to wear, and knows for sure what he want to wear. no matter what he wears, they look so great on him. he has highly sense of confidence. very funny, even sometimes so silly. but there's not a single minute i've spent with him passed without laugh and smiles on my face.

he is a pro. he knows how to treat me well. just tell me, how can i not fall into him so deep? he's unbelievably perfect to me, so damn perfect!! Goshhh..!! :))

apah? mau liat potonya?? potonya yang gantheng itu?? wek, enak ae, apa ~~kata dunia~~ jadinya kalo potonya dipajang disini, hahaha... it could reveal everything. oh nooo... jangan ah, kan akyu maluw :">

nggak usah wes, biarin gini adanya ae. ntik kalo ketauan malah ndak asyeek. but for whatever it takes, and for whatever it's worth, thanks for giving me so much in my life, something to remember of course. thanks for the chat we had last night. you had successfully brought back my smile :-*

*runnie - you're my one and only sweet solace, mi orso*

what a HOAX!!!!

2009-07-28T12:36:00.004+07:00

wiken kmaren rencananya mau nemenin temen *kalo masih bisa dibilang temen sih* ke kondangan di jakarta sono. kbetulan kmaren itu kan pas jadwalnya wi-cup, jadi ya wes di'iya'in ngikud nemenin. scara ya namanya juga cewek, jelasnya kalo mau ke acara yang namanya kondangan gak mungkin kan langsung comot baju sembarang trus dipake, and then budal mak pruncul ngunu tok. so, dengan segala inisiatif yang ada, saya pun pergi hunting2 baju, padahal waktu itu waktunya udah mepet banget. ternyata baju yang dipengenin gak ada ukurannya, kalo tetep maksa mau dibeli ujung2nya ya ngecilin ke tukang jahit. mikir2 lagi, kalo ngecilin kan makan waktu lagi buat nungguin, iya kalo tukang jahitnya idle, kalo pas lagi banyak order, pan brabe ya. ya wes, akhirnya diputuskan untuk pakek baju lama ae.

sampek rumah bongkar2 koper, kali2 aja beneran ada yang bisa dipake. eh dapet baju yang dulu pernah dipake ke kondangannya temen juga. ya wes saya tak make baju ini ae. tapi koq ya o pakek baju yang sama. hmm... muncul ide brilliant, dimodif dikit kan bisa nih baju. ya sud pas mikir2 enake dimodif gmana ya, lah koq nemu ide dikasi pita. jadi belt yang ada diganti pakek pita gede, kayak kimono2 gitu loh. akhirnya keluar lagi nyari pitanya. kirain bakal segampang itu nyari pita, ternyata susyeh bo' nyari warna yang paling cocok, yang masuk sama warna ornamen bajunya. udah riwa-riwi ksana kemari, cuapek, setengah mengutuk diri sendiri, knapa koq punya ide modif2an barang kiy laopoooo jane... ohmaigod..!! #-o untung akhirnya dapet, pita biru 4cm, cihuy..!!

udah beres urusan baju, skarang bingung tasnya. scara saya kan ndak punya clutch ya, jadi kmaren kluar lagi hunting clutch. untungnya dapet warna item, jadi serasi sama sandalnya. itu juga dapetnya udah malem pas tokonya udah mau tutup, hahaha... *maap ya mbak2 yang jaga toko, jadi ngrepotin nih :D

masalah berikutnya adalah, saya ndak punya perlengkapan make up yang proper, hadooooohh.. petaka ini ~X(. akhirnya beli perlengkapan seadanya, gpp lah toh juga saya ndak pernah pakek make up ini, jadi kalo beli smua juga gak bakalan kepakek.

siap2 brangkat ke jakarta, packing ini itu, lah koq prasaan bawaannya banyak banget ya, mana berat lagi, arghhhh... biasanya ke jakarta itu jatahnya kalo ndak lama ya cuma bawa tas selempang doank, tapi ini masih ketambahan satu tas cangklong lagi tang isinya ya itu tadi, peralatan head-to-toe buat ke kondangan. ribet bener yak jadi cewek #-o

sampek di jakarta ternyata yang ngajak kmaren gak ngasi kabar apa2 blast, sama sekali ndak. kalo pun misalnya dibatalin, lah wong gak ada pembatalan hare. ndak ada woro2 dalam bentuk apapun. wong padahal ya ktemu muka, tapi gak ngomong apa2. loh koq yang bingung malah saya mikir ini jadi apa ndak. wuiihh... ok, tarik napas dalam2.. hembuskan perlahan..

akhirnya saya sampe di satu kesimpulan kalo saya dikerjain, kalo itu nggak lebih dari cuma sekedar H-O-A-X doank. huuuufff.. emosi sih jelas, gimana nggak lah wong yang udah dikeluarkan itu loh amat sangat terlalu besar untuk sebuah hoax doank.

saya berusaha menghargai orang yang ngajak saya, makanya sampek direwangi repot wira-wiri ksana kmari cari ini itu. buat apa sih smua itu, kalo nggak buat menghargai-ngajeni orang yang ngajak. simple'nya gini, misalnya saya ngajak si A ke suatu undangan, trus ternyata si A ini tadi tampilannya gembel, walhasil yang jelek sapa? gak cuma si A aja kan, tapi saya juga kena imbasnya, karna saya yang ngajak si A tadi. saya nggak mau itu kejadian sama saya. makanya gimana caranya saya memenuhi tanggung jawab saya sebagai pihak terundang untuk memenuhi undangan dari pihak pengundang tadi. setidaknya, dengan tampil good-looking aja udah termasuk dalam bentuk appreciate kan.

tapi sayangnya, ternyata ya itu tadi, segala usaha dalam bentuk apapun, mulai dari tenaga-materi-ide-emosi keluar hanya untuk sesuatu yang sia2, percuma. just H-O-A-X!! mau nangis sih sbenernya, cuma koq ya malah nambahi pengeluaran ya. ndak wes, ndak worth it kalo dipikir2. biarin lah, anggep pelajaran ae. kalo ternyata ndak semua orang yang saya anggep teman itu bisa saya percaya omongannya. makanya lain kali jangan diulangi lagi ya run...

PS: ternyata clutch yang saya beli di sini kmaren, di Centro Plangi lagi didiskon 50%. arghhhh...!!! ~X( janc*******k...!!!! =)) =)) *i've been knocked out twice, shit!! ngerti ngunu wingi nambahi titik tak gawe tuku crocs ae cuuuurrr...!!!

*runnie - enough*

Better

2009-06-06T20:29:00.006+07:00

Our love has changed
it's not the same
and the only way to say it is say it
it's better

I can't conceal
this way I feel
for all the times we spend together
forever just gets better

Seem what I'm try to say is
you make things better
and no matter what the day is
with you here it's better

I stand by you
if you stand by me
I think it's time that I reveal it
cause I believe it
it's better

Seem what I'm try to say is
you make things better
and no matter what the day is
if you're here it's better

the more I write song to you
I'm fall in love with everything you do

Seem what I'm try to say is
you make things better
and no matter what the day is
with you here it's better

Our love has changed
it's not the same
and the only way to say it is say it..
it's better

(better by Boyzone)

i dont know how many songs had always remind me of you. but this song's really 'punch' me bad, very bad. the first time i heard it, i knew there's still a wound in my heart that not healed yet. it tortures me inside. eat my heart out. bcoz i know what exactly the fucking fact is.

it's hard to deal with it, but this life has to still move on though. that's what you told me. maybe i won't remember your face anymore, but every little thing you've ever done to me will always taking its place in here, down inside. just allow me to remember you as someone who knew me better, someone who gave me million laughs, and someone i've loved the most. so many things to say, but so little space.

este la amor, mi orso.. :*

*runnie - yeah, it's better baby.. it's better..*

masa lalu yang seperti hantu

2009-05-31T00:46:00.004+07:00

once again, i have to struggle with this stuff. darn it!!! still got the blue when the 'movie' rolls in my mind again. God, how many times do i have to say that i need more space? but see what i got, i'm stuck and suck! i cant move forward yet, at least not as much as i wanted. i'm on my track of planning everything for this shorty life i've got. but this stuff was really out of my plan at all.

huufff... and now i'm tired of saying that "i'm tired". why can i let this thing just go away, out of my world? sometimes it feels like i dont want this stick around forever, but i cant fully let it go away neither. pathetic isnt it?!!! have to admit it though.

'Ode' by Padi

semua cerita tentangmu
yang masih tersimpan didalam benakku
meresap dijiwaku memenuhi ruang hatiku

seperti cahaya mentari kau hadir
terangi hidupku, terangi jalanku
menuntunku memaknai semua

dan aku takkan melupakan
semua yang indah yang pernah engkau ucapkan

meski kau telah berlalu
tak lagi disisi, namun cintamu akan tetap hidup
tak terhapuskan, tak tergilas oleh waktu

dan aku takkan melupakan
semua yang indah yang pernah engkau berikan

cintaku tak henti mengalir untukmu
mengenalmu adalah hal terindah yang pernah aku alami

oo..aku tak akan pernah melupakan
semua yang indah yang pernah engkau ungkapkan

setiap pesan kan terukir di hati
semoga damai selalu bersamamu
semoga damai selalu bersamamu

this song is very beautiful to me, it means a lot, its ode i mean. for so many times bfor, i was very2 floated with their (padi) song, and so is now. so many times i've spent together with, when their songs were always fulfilled the air and swung our mood into something that only we both understand. then i would say, i miss you beib... :*

*runnie - melting (again)*